My Dog, My Toddler

Let me tell you a story.  It's a story about a little boy, almost three years old, who was heading out to the park with his mom and wanted to bring his favorite toy with him.  His mom told him that he'd have to carry if it he wanted to bring it; she wasn't going to carry it for him.  Full of enthusiasm, the little boy grabbed the toy and off they went.  It was only a five minute walk to the park, but the little boy had dropped the toy seven times before they'd arrived.  By the time they got back home from their outing, the toy had been in his mom's pocket for a full hour.

You might have guessed, but that story is not actually about a little boy - at least, it's not about a human child.  It's about Charlie.  I'm his mom, obviously, and the toy was a tennis ball that, somehow, always got dropped on an incline and ended up buried in a big pile of leaves that I'd then have to dig through.

Basically, Charlie is a toddler.

Look, I understand that dogs are not children.  I really do.  But I feel like I'll be pretty well prepared for having kids - or for having toddlers, at least - because of Charlie.  I've done a lot of babysitting over the past fifteen years, and I've said almost everything I say to my dog to the younger children I've watched at one point or another.  And my conversations with my wonderful dogwalker and my parents, when they have Charlie, are probably the same conversations I'll eventually have with my child's caretakers.  (Who knew you could actually want updates on bowel movements?  I've gotten really comfortable with asking if Charlie's had a good poop.)  Anyway, here are some examples of the things I say to Charlie that I could be saying to any toddler:

Charlie, don't eat that.  Don't eat that!  Charlie, that was on the ground.  It was in the dirt.  You don't want to eat that.  Charlie!  Gross.  Out of your mouth!  Yuck.

What a big noise!  Was that a truck, Charlie?  It was a truck!  It was a big truck.  And it made a big noise!  Were you scared?  That's okay!  It's just a truck.  It's parking.  We don't have to watch the truck park.  Let's keep walking!

Look, Charlie, a puppy!  Do you want to say hello to puppy?  He's excited to see you!  But gentle, Charlie.  Gentle!  He's littler than you, so be gentle.  Good boy, Charlie!  That's nice.  You made a new friend!

It's alright, Charlie!  It was just thunder.  Don't worry, Charlie, it won't come get us.  It's okay!  Sit with me.  Shhh.  It's okay.  It's just thunder.  Come here, Charlie.  It's okay.  The thunder won't hurt us.  Come here.  Shhh.  It's okay.  It's just thunder.

It's sleep time, Charlie.  No, Charlie, we're not going to play.  No, you don't need more water.  It's time to go to sleep.  Lie down, close your eyes, and go to sleep.  It's sleep time.  Come on, I know you're tired.  You did a lot of running around today!  Let's go to sleep.  Okay?  Okay.  That's good, sweet boy.

Does any of this sound familiar to you, dear readers?  If you have a dog, I bet it does.  Link up with us - I'd love to hear about your experiences with a pet as a family member!  Emily and Sara and I are all focusing on how our dogs are preparing us for children, but you can take this topic in any direction.  Have fun with it!

Put A Little Sparrow In The Treetop In Your Home

Thanks for all of your sweet comments on yesterday's post, dear readers.  You are why I'm comfortable being so honest!  You and, of course, my sponsors themselves; I've known since September that this was coming and I wanted my potential sponsors to have the full story before signing up so I told everyone who emailed and, because they're just that supportive, they continued full steam ahead with me.  It's really been so encouraging.

Anyway, yesterday I mentioned that most of my sponsors have been bloggers that I've known for a while but that I felt really lucky to have met some new people through this little adventure.  Emily's one of those fresh faces, and I'm so glad she took the plunge!  I joked on Twitter the other day that my favorite parts about Sparrow in the Treetop are her dog and her recipes, but she's definitely the full package.  When this girl writes, she pours her soul into her posts - I keep coming back to this one, Broken Glass, that Emily published last week - and I love how she shares her city with us.  (I know almost nothing about Ottawa, but it looks pretty magical through her lens!)  I'm really excited to see how Emily explores both now that she's made the scary and brave decision that journalism school isn't right for her, and I can't wait to find out what she does next.  One thing we do know: there's a podcast on the horizon!  Make sure to listen out for "Company on the Air" in the next few weeks.  And now, without further ado except for an Instagram photo that I've stolen from her because, well, you need to see the dog and the cooking that I referenced earlier, here's Emily!

(Wait!  I forgot to tell you something really important - it's about my monthly sponsor link-up!  Because Emily, Sara, and I all have young rapscallions, our topic for this month is furry:

How My Dog Is Preparing Me For Children

The link-up will be live at 8am EST on Monday the 25th, and we'd be delighted if you joined in!  You can take the prompt however you want - you could share memories of a pet you had as a child that was like a sibling to you or write about how your pet now is part of your family, for example - but this is an opportunity to post those silly stories and photos that you maybe didn't know what to do with before.  I hope you'll link up with us for this!  It should be fun and super cute.)

Hi Trans-lantic-lers!! I'm new around these parts! At least, this is the first time Betsy has given me the floor - I'm kinda nervous guys! My name is Emily and I have a little blog I love called "Sparrow in the Treetop" (named for my grandmother's favourite song). My boyfriend Mike and I live in Ottawa, Ontario (not, you know, across, the Atlantic Ocean from each other like some people... thank goodness that's over soon, amiright?!)

We're currently in the middle of re-doing our bedroom.

The genesis for the make-over stemmed from a really bad Craig's List deal gone wrong (I keep meaning to write that story down) and we find ourselves in the position of needing a new bed. Since the bed's gone, there's no better time to tackle the whole room - and of course I choose to start with the fine details, as opposed to the fundamental stuff :)

I want the new room to be really white and bright since we've got dark hardwood floors. I'm turning in our current bedside tables and I'm putting together something a little less "Ikea" and a lot more "Emily."

DIY Basket-Weave Bedside Tabletop

Materials:
- a table that has a nice surface
- a piece of Sandpaper
- paint tape
- a Ruler
- one small can of White Paint (or whatever colour you fancy!)
- medium sized paint brush
- newspapers for drop cloth

Step One:
You'll need a rickety-old-nobody-loves-me-1986-sort of table. I took Mike on a forage last weekend to the local charity shop and just when he had asked me for the fifth time to leave (he's not a super keen thrifter) I heard a little voice inside my head say..."No Emily, just unearth another pile of scracted LP's - you might find "the one" .... and then LO AND BEHOLD; my beautiful perfect, soon-to-be-bedside table. The lesson my friends when you're thrifting? nevergiveup. (And keep and open mind!)

Step Two
Wash and sand the the entire surface of the table. A lot of that lovely 1980's vintage has a thick shellack and you'll want to rough it up so the paint sticks. I highly recommend the paint that's a 2-in-1 primer. If it's not, you'll want to prime the surface, otherwise the paint will chip off after you've put in all that hard work.

Step Three
This is the most finicky step. Start by measuring out your rows, width-wise. As you measure, mark the top and bottom of the table so you'll lay a straight line with the paint tape. For this layer, keep the distance between the rows even across the entire width of the table top.

Step Four
Paint the entire table with the first coat of paint. When it's dry do a second coat over the entire table.

Step Five
Carefully peel the paint tape from your first set of lines. Now, you'll lay your first set of lines, length-wise. Start on the outside with a single length of tape. Leave an inch, then lay two strips side-by-side. Leave another inch and repeat. Finish with a single strip on the outside in the same way you started. Adjust this patter accordingly for the size of your table-top. Paint the table top and allow to dry. When dry, do a second coat. The multiple coats will help make the strips thick and the basket weave will be more pronounced.

Step Six
When it's dry, peel the paint tape. Repeat the laying of paint tape technique across the width of the table, one paint tape width, one inch apart. Paint. Let dry.

Step Seven
When you remove this last layer of paint strips, there will still be squares of the original table-top showing. Lay the tape, length wise, over the thick strips that were already painted. Do the last layer of paint which will fill in these holes (don't just paint the holes though, paint the whole length of the table in another smooth line.) You might need two coats here to make the paint thick enough to cover the original colour.

Et voila! (It's a labour of love.) It's subtle but adds a little Sparrow-in-the-treetop if ya' know what I'm sayin'!

I hope you enjoyed this! It's been lovely meeting you - let's keep in touch??

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Sponsors and Friends, Oh My!

Andy Denzler

Emily's here tomorrow with a guest post that puts all of my DIY attempts to shame, and when I started writing her intro last night I realized that, actually, what I was going to include about my sponsorship program needs its own post.  (The last thing I want to do is distract from Emily's inspiration!)  So here goes:

This is my last month of accepting sponsors on Betsy Transatlantically.  As you know, the decision to start offering sponsorships to other bloggers didn't come easily; I was well aware that blogs often change when they monetize and not always for the better.  But, as I said back in June, I was committed to offering "a program that stayed true to the kind of blogging I enjoy and that respected the kind of blogging that you expect to see on this blog."  (I feel really conceited quoting myself like that.  Sorry.)  And I think I have done that.  I'm really proud of the bloggers who have joined me here and, in equal measure, I'm so honored by how you've welcomed them.  It's made me all warm and funny to see people connecting here, which has been the best reward for trying something new.

I expected to have to make an effort to keep the spirit of this blog the same regardless of monetization - actually, that was pretty easy.  However, I didn't expect to have to consciously maintain my pre-sponsorship attitude towards blogging  When I started accepting sponsors, I started looking at other blogs and bloggers differently and, I'm ashamed to admit, often aggressively.  It had nothing to do with me and it had nothing to do with my sponsors, but all of a sudden I felt like I was competing against bloggers working towards entirely different metrics, and the negativity that this brought on made me really uncomfortable.  To be totally honest, that's what inspired my post on Defining Blogging Success - it was my way of reminding myself why I blog.

The other side of that coin, strangely, is that I had a hard time letting go of my sponsors.  Most of the bloggers who participated in the program were girls I already had relationships with, and I'd want to promote them no matter our financial arrangement.  The girls I didn't know before they emailed me - well, becoming friends with them felt so natural that I couldn't imagine not continuing to share their blogs and engage with them all over social media!  In the end, I was afraid that future sponsorships might suffer because I couldn't compartmentalize what I was doing with the monetization and what I was doing with my relationships online.

So I think it goes without saying - though I'll say it anyway - that it's been an absolute joy to welcome the dozen blogs to my sidebar that have visited over the past six months.  If any of you want to collaborate on anything in the future, please do email!  I love these relationships; I just think that keeping things organic will be more productive for everyone involved.

But just because I'm not offering official sponsorships myself doesn't mean I'm getting out of the game entirely!  I do plan to continue supporting my favorite blogs and so I'm delighted to be participating in Nicole's giveaway this month over on Treasure Tromp.  Go forth and enter, and good luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

The Sunday Currently XVII: Sara in Le Petit Village

I've been reading Sara in Le Petit Village for years now.  In fact, I think it was the first non-UK expat blog I found once I realized that such a thing existed.  (Look, it was 2010!  Blogging was a different world back then.)  Sara's life provided such an escape for me in dreary England: there she was, basking in the sun in a small rural village in the south of France, surrounded by a cast of characters straight out of a romantic comedy.  The thing is, though, that while she observes her surroundings with the eye of a novelist and wields the pen of a memoirist, everything on her blog is just... her life.  It's an amazing testament both to her blogging style and Le Petit Village that the banal sounds like such an adventure!

When you go visit her blog, start with the Anthology she just published.  It'll help you understand the madness that is Le Petit Village and Les Villagers.  Make sure you have the background on how she met her husband - parts one, two, and three - because it really is like something out of a Hugh Grant movie except, you know, involving a French guy in Dublin instead of Hugh Grant, and after that you simply must meet Fifty.  (It's pronounced Feefty, and he's one of my favorite friends on Facebook.)  I'm confident that he and Charlie would get along really well.   And then I don't really have any guidance for you beyond that because my recommendation would be to start at the beginning of the blog and work your way through the archives with a big bowl of popcorn and a bottle of rosé.  (Yes, I know it's November, but they drink a lot of rosé in LPV and it'll help you feel like you're there.)

The only other thing I think you need to know about Sara before you read her Sunday Currently, below, and visit her blog is that she sounds like the best hostess ever.  Jon and I are planning a long weekend in Avignon as an add-on to our first trip back to England, and I fully intend on taking advantage of her knowledge of the city and her willingness to drop whatever she's doing in favor of good food and drink.  Anyone else want to come with?

Coucou! My name is Sara Louise, and I'm the New York/ Texas girl behind the blog, Sara in Le Petit Village. Le Petit Village is a charming place a top the Luberon mountains in the heart of Provence full of quirky characters and amusing happenings. For the past four years I've been living in Le Petit Village with my French husband and French dog and blogging all about the adventures and misadventures of my life in France. I'd love it if you popped on by and said bonjour!

currently...

Reading... whatever is on my bookshelf. One of the quirks/perks of being an expat in a non-English speaking country is that when you befriend other English speaking expats, you swap books. Consequently, my bookshelf has become a plethora of titles that I would never normally give a second glance to. After spending too much time with my Kindle, my bookshelves have become overstuffed so I've decided to stop spending money on new books and read what I've got. Thus, I'm currently reading, Playing For Pizza by John Grisham. Not to gender stereotype or anything, but it's totally a boy book.

Wearing... my dark grey wedged hi-tops. I usually don't give in to trends (well not too often anyway) but both the color and the price were just right and I love them!

Thinking... about this article written about an old high school friend of mine (not that either one of us are old... AHEM). In a nutshell... she's been in Africa chasing down Joseph Kony with the Ugandan army. That's capital K - razy and I'm in awe, but I'm also kicking myself up the backside. I used to be really hands on with charity work and organizations like Equality Now and somehow I've let it all fly by the wayside. It's time for me to get out there and get involved in the world again and do something.

Listening... to Christmas music. Yes, I'm that big sap that switches on the Christmas mixes as soon as November 1st rolls around. I can't help it, Christmas music makes me jolly, and who doesn't like feeling jolly, right?

Cooking... Sunday lunch. I cook every night of the week and luckily for me, cooking is something I truly enjoy. My time in the kitchen is my daily moment of zen, but lately I've decided to step it up a notch on Sundays. Sunday lunch is a big deal in France; it starts with apéro a little after midday (a beverage and nibbles to whet your appetite) and is followed by a full meal including a starter, cheese plate and dessert. If we're in town, I prepare Sunday lunch and set out the good dishes even if it's just the two of us. It's become our Sunday ritual and I look forward to it all week planning with my pins.

Planning... my Thanksgiving feast for some friends and family. This will be the second Thanksgiving I've hosted here in France. The first was at my cousin's house down on the Côte d'Azur (a place I never, ever would have imagined I'd be serving up a T-Day feast), but this year, I'll be hosting it in Le Petit Village. We'll be celebrating the Saturday after and I've been brainstorming for weeks, adapting my favorite holiday into my life in France ... There will be Thanksgiving coloring pages to do while we have our apéro and watch the parade on youtube, rugby on the telly instead of good old American football, and a chicken roasting in the oven (getting a turkey in France in the middle of November is a pain in the petunia and then usually comes with the head and feathers still on... no thank you). But two American traditions I will not compromise on... A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving and Planes, Trains and Automobiles will both be watched after we eat, even if I have to translate for my French friends.

linking up with siddathornton

Easy Canvas Prints

photo by L Nicole Photography (but her website isn't active anymore, sorry!)

I once babysat for a family that had a gallery wall of canvas photos from a shoot they'd done when the children were young.  Every image was in black and white and, in 3D, the whole effect was incredibly striking.  My family's artistic sensibilities don't really include hanging pictures of people - my parents have a big one of me and one of my sister from our respective Bat Mitzvahs in the kitchen* and my grandparents have an oil of my mother that was painted for Pappy's 50th birthday; otherwise all photographs are in small frames clustered on one or two tables - but I thought that, if I ever were to put portraits on the walls, I'd want them to have the same impact as that canvas photo gallery wall.

I didn't know where to start, though, until my friend Megan gave me the sweetest canvas print as a wedding gift in September.  I put it on my wall, right in the hallway so it's the first thing you see when you come in from the entry, and loved it.  And, of course, I decided it was the perfect way to launch my collection.

Thank goodness for Easy Canvas Prints, who contacted me through Lindsay soon thereafter about reviewing their products!  They offered me a 8x10 print so I could see how they worked, and it was one of the smoothest processes I've ever experienced.  There are a few wedding photos around the apartment anyway and I thought that Charlie might be feeling left out, so I decided to use a photo of him and me from last autumn.  I had to do some poking around because I've never ordered a photo canvas before and didn't know what all of the possibilities are - not only do they have a few different filter/retouching options for the photo itself, but you can also choose the depth of the frame and the style of wrapping.  I placed the order on September 27, the package arrived on October 7, and the canvas was hung the next day.

I love the idea of getting more and eventually building a little collage around these two pieces.  I'm generally not a gallery wall kind of girl - at least not in the way that Pinterest dictates - but these canvas frames are casual while still making a significant impression and I think that a collection on that wall would be really fun.  The products at Easy Canvas Prints aren't expensive, so Jon and I can update the photos as we have new adventures.  Maybe the next one will appear after his Thanksgiving visit to the States... watch this space to see what we do!

Do check out Easy Canvas Prints and make sure to use the promo code "EarlyHolidayBlogOffer" for 60% plus free shipping if you decide to order one for yourself.  These would make great presents for someone working on making her house a home!

*Check Instagram later today - I'll show you!

Friday Favorites and Links

There's been so much floating good stuff around the web recently that I haven't wanted to lose by throwing out via Twitter - I know I don't do this often, but let's share some Friday favorites and links, shall we?  We'll kick off with the new 2013 John Lewis Christmas advert and, if you're like me, you'll need to have a box of tissues to hand.

Yes, Christmas is approaching and Halloween is over, but do you know the story of Stingy Jack?  This is one you want to remember for next year...

A recent Pew Research Center Study on Judaism in America has been getting a lot of press for revealing that an increasing number of Jews identify with Jewish culture rather than Jewish religion, and this New York Times Room for Debate conversation asks what religious leaders of all faiths should take from the new statistics.  I especially like how JJ Goldberg points out that "in most understandings of Judaism, belief is far less important than action, participation and belonging."  Most of the other participants across religions talk about the power of community, too, though Adam Greenway of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary provides the lone uncomfortable exception.

These are the 41 most British things that have ever happened.

Along the same lines, a friend posted something on Facebook that I think you'll get a kick out of: the temporary rules for the Richmond Golf Club in 1940.  (Richmond is just outside of London.)  It gives a whole new meaning to the mantra "keep calm and carry on."

Miley Cyrus has been Doo-Wopped.

I went to a cookbook talk with Joan Nathan, Yotam Ottolemghi, and Sami Tamimi the other week, and one of the things they talked about was how no one should be buying pre-made hummus from the store.  Thank goodness Emily posted a hummus recipe for us!

Speaking of Emily, I think her Cliff might give my Charlie a run for his money when it comes to eating things that aren't meant for him.

I'm commissioning a painting from an artist friend of my sister, and we're having a lot of fun talking through different styles and colors and techniques and things.  She's making me a still life of flowers and I've been refamiliarizing myself with the classics as we refine the project.  (I thought I'd be leaning towards something reminicent of 17th century Dutch oils, but I actually prefer the style of Henri Fantin-Latour, a 19th century French artist, for our purposes.)  While down the rabbit hole of the internet, I found these absolutely gorgeous photographs by Jennifer Causy - the composition is breathtaking!

I think I'm going to have to jump on the bandwagon and get a donut pan.  These, these, and these look simply too good to resist.

My friend's company has produced a new app that you travel lovers need to know about: HITLIST!  You tell them where you want to go and they'll alert you when the best deals come available.  Go download it now, and thank me from somewhere exciting that you got to cheaply.

The first J Crew in London officially opened today!

And, because it it technically Frock Friday and I've been pinning up a storm on my style & fashion board, which is unusual for me, here's my favorite autumn look right now:

via

What else do you have to share with us today, dear readers?  I have a lovely empty weekend ahead of me to lose in your recommendations!

DUO: Love Through Details

Boxing Day walk 2012; Suffolk, England

As you all know, elements of last year were a bit stressful.  Wedding planning plus visa preparations on top of the normal frustrations from being in a long distance relationship sometimes made things strained between Jon and me.  As I told friends when they asked how everything was going, boys aren't good on the phone and boys aren't good at details but I was asking Jon to be good at both at the same time - and on my terms only, which is a recipe for disaster - and it caused some tension.

Regardless, I was so excited for my Christmas trip to England to see Jon and his family.  We had some abstract planning stuff to do, but the visit was primarily going to be a solid two weeks of not worrying about coordinating or organizing any details.  We both knew that the important part of the holiday was just being together, so neither Jon nor I had really focused on Christmas gifts for each other at all because we'd spent so much time and energy dealing with wedding and visa things.  At least, that's what I thought!

I never doubted that I'd love Jon's gift, no matter what it was, but I didn't expect him to be quite so organized as I'd been; I'm one of those Christmas shoppers who starts thinking about (and buying) presents for family and friends in October, which is a totally horrible concept for Jon.  So I had no idea what was coming when, the sound of ripping wrapping paper filling the sitting room on Christmas Day, I was handed a huge box topped with the sweetest card from Jon.

Inside the box was the most beautiful pair of brown leather DUO boots - boots made exactly to fit me! Over the past few months, entirely without my knowledge, Jon had schemed with my mother to order those boots.  The boy I got annoyed at for seeming to not care about details had meticulously and secretly gotten my ankle and calf measurements to create a pair of bespoke knee-high flat boots for me.  He'd even chosen the shade based on what he knew I was missing from the colors of boots I already owned!  They were absolutely gorgeous.  The best part of the present, though, was being proven so absolutely wrong about Jon's planning capabilities.  It turns out he was good at organization and coordination all by himself!

Who knew you could show love - real love, love that has nothing to do with material gifts but is all about effort and thought and care - through boots?  DUO did, clearly, as did Jon.  And now I know it too!

(DUO is currently holding a contest for bloggers: share a personal love story and tie it to their collection to win a pair of DUO products and a £200 Hilton gift card. Click here to find out more!)

yes, I Instagrammed them! these are my wonderful DUO boots - thank you, Jon!

My Secret Language Name

You know how I used to feel about personality tests, dear readers, but you've convinced me to be open to this sort of self-discovery since we last discussed the subject and so I was delighted when the opportunity to uncover my Secret Language Name came my way!  The result is based on your birthday  and reveals your natural identity but, as the results explain, it's not your grandmother's astrology - it comes from a 40 year empirical study of more than 20,000 people.  Want to know what I got?

from the SLN.ME website

Well, I think you'll agree that all of this, copied directly from my results, matches me perfectly - uncomfortably so, in some parts!  A few of the sections included advice, a lot of which sounded all too familiar.  I can't tell you how often Jon tells me to lighten up and go with the flow!  I've also learned from him that I need to "soften [my] stance a bit - take things as they come and let them go as they will," which is one of the SLN.ME suggestions, as well as to "slow down enough to realize others’ value and worth and learn the art of appreciation."  That's definitely something I've struggled with as I've taken charge of our current visa process; I can let opportunities to enjoy our relationship, long-distance though it may be, slip right past me as I focus on the end goal of being together again.

Will you check out your Secret Language Name?  It's always enlightening to discover more about your personality traits and how to maximize them productively!  The meditation for my day is "We have met the enemy and he is us" and, too often, that's true for me - it's good to be reminded of it so I can make sure my personality directs my thoughts and actions positively rather than negatively.  Go visit SLN.ME and let me know how accurate it is for you!

I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls Collective and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.

Frock Fridays: City Style

Okay, true confession: I'm not actually sure what "city style" means.  I've lived in four of the world's most important cities, and not one of them has one definable style.  In London, the hipsters of Shoreditch would die before being confused with a Sloane Ranger and, according to the Sunday supplements, yummy mummy fashion is its own unique minefield.  New York's the same: the brands on 125th and Malcolm X are completely different to what you'll see 100 blocks south in Chelsea.  The only place I remember a slightly more homogenous style is Paris, but it's been a few years since I was last there and, just like with the other cities, what you wear depends heavily on your identity and location.

I think that DC is almost as diverse, fashion-wise, as any other major city though it's perhaps less experimental on a daily basis.  You'll find accessible high fashion - just check the dozens of local style blogs if you need to get your fix of open-toed booties, floral or camo skinny jeans, statement necklaces, and plaid worn with polka dots - but, for the most part, I don't see a lot adherence to trends.  Overall, the city is a bit more sartorially conservative, but a wide range of stylistic choices falls within that awareness of what's appropriate.

Most of my friends would agree that weekend city style in Washington means wearing what makes you feel confident and low-key at the same time; it means being comfortable in flattering shapes and low-maintenance fabrics in which you could either head out for coffee or a beer depending on the time of day.  For me (and Charlie), it might look like this:

blazer / dress / belt / bag / boots / leash

All that being said, I always thought that haute couture was a universal thing.  I don't really follow fashion week news but from street style snaps, paparazzi photos of the front row, and the runway shows themselves, everything at that trend and price point seems like it transcends location.  New Look recently sent me this infographic about the world's four biggest Fashion Weeks, though, and it seems I was wrong.  (I was compensated for including it in today's post, but it's definitely relevant to av's link-up theme for the week!)  There are differences in terms of the clothes, which I guess I should have expected, but one of the things that jumped out to me is that London has the fewest number of shows but the biggest media presence!  It's the newest of these four but it's catching up pretty quickly... maybe I should pay more attention to this sort of thing if I truly want to be transatlantic!

A Good Wife

photo by Tarah Coonan

What does it mean to be a good wife?

Unsurprisingly, given that Jon and I have physically been together for only six days out of the 67 since our wedding, I have no idea.  To be totally honest, though, it's actually not something I ever thought about until recently.  Does that automatically make me a bad wife?

I know that if I asked Jon what would make me a good wife, he'd look at me like I was being foolish.  "Being a good wife is the same thing as being a good person," he'd say, "only one who happens to be a woman and married."

That must be too simple.  I mean, right?  It can't be that easy.  So, in earlier drafts of this post, I made it harder, reading traditional Bible passages from wedding ceremonies and delving into Jewish midrashim and exploring evangelical perspectives on Proverbs 31 until I nearly threw my laptop across the room.  But none of those things are really relevant to me; my life is too secular.  Being a good wife isn't defined for me in relation to God.  It's defined in relation to all of the other roles I hold.  I'm a wife, yes, but I'm also a daughter and a sister and a friend and a college graduate (and the proud recipient of an MA that required me to parse medieval French on top of studying Latin, for crying out loud) and a fundraiser and a singer and, one day, I hope to also be a mother.  That sounds like a lot of things to be, when I write it all out.

I wonder if men feel they they have to juggle all of their identities, too.  They don't have any fewer - not the ones I know - but they don't seem to be plagued by the same questions, at least not to the extent that women do.  I wonder if they have to ask themselves what they need to do to be good husbands.  (I really like Deborah Spar and I do want to read her most recent book, Wonder Women: Sex, Power, and the Quest for Perfection, but I can't imagine men feeling they have to tackle the issue of satisficing.)  A few weeks ago, my blog friend Julie published her own "The Good Wife" post; it's what inspired my suggestion that we use the topic as our prompt today.  She concluded,

What I’m getting at (if there’s anything to be gotten) is that, to [my husband]: all of these things are just chores to be done... but I feel like there’s some phantom paradigm that I’m not living up to. I’m supposed to be able to handle everything with grace, and more often than not, it’s more: close enough/kind of sweaty.

I, too, have felt that phantom since I started thinking about what it means to be a good wife.  But again, if I asked Jon if he expected me to be a good wife with grace, he'd laugh, as I bet Julie's husband would.  Grace is not my strong suit.  He knew that when he proposed to me.  He expects me to be a good wife just as I approach every other role I own: making things more complicated than they need to be while simultaneously trying to maintain order and sense with some cursing, a lot of coffee, and all the love in my heart.  It would definitely be kind of sweaty, and Jon wouldn't ask for anything more or less.

So maybe it is that simple.

I think I can work with that.

How about you, dear readers?

The Sunday Currently XVI: Found Love, Now What?

I hardly think, dear readers, that Belinda from Found Love, Now What? needs any introduction here - though of course I'll wax lyrical regardless!  I'm delighted that she's on my sidebar again and I have to admit that I learned a lot about what it means to be an engaging and productive sponsor by watching her promote and encourage the bloggers with whom she collaborates.  Belinda and I have had a few pretty serious conversations about the nature of blogging and how it fits into our lives, but, though it's a real privilege to hear her work through her thoughts, I never doubt that she's got it figured out in a big-picture way.

Belinda's Sunday Currently is below, and make sure you stop by her blog, too, if it's new to you!  I guarrantee you'll want to stick around to explore.  Also, you might notice the mention of our link-up in her "writing..." entry: Belinda, Whitney, and I will be co-hosting my monthly sponsor link-up on Wednesday.  Here's the prompt:

What does being a "good wife" mean to you?

Obviously, you don't have to be married - or ever want to get married - to have deep and complicated feelings about this!  I'd love to hear your response to this question.  Like Belinda, I've gone in several different directions with every draft I write on this, so believe me when I say I don't think there's any one right answer!  We'd love it if you came back here on Wednesday to share your posts - I'm sure we can all gain food for thought from each other and maybe learn something along the way, too.

Well hello little honey bunny jelly beans! Before we dive into my Currently post, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Belinda, and I am the blogger behind the blog Found Love. Now What? I am an American who pulled up her life to live in the UK to be with my British husband. When I came across Betsy’s blog a year ago, my heart sang as we have such similar stories. {Can you find a blogging soul mate? I may have found one in Betsy. Is that oversharing? Eeek!} As you can imagine, my blog is about life in the UK as an expat, castle filled adventures and musings about life.

I love connecting with fellow readers and bloggers, and sharing some of my current thoughts is a perfect introduction to what makes me tick! With that, away we go!

currently...

Reading... The Great Gatsby, for the very first time. Judge if you will, but somehow I made it through high school and undergrad without reading it. {Embarassing, I know.} But, as many who have read it before me I am discovering that it is a simply delicious story with beautiful writing.

Writing… My “Good Wife” post to link up with the lovely Betsy. I have been brainstorming this prompt for a few weeks now, and I may finally have an idea of the direction I will take this post. {Hint: I am wondering if I am even a “good” wife. }

Listening… To my husband make our English fry up breakfast, as he hums and sings to himself. Seriously, it is pretty much the cutest thing ever.

Smelling... The Autumn Bath & Body Works candle that I brought from America. Sounds like a silly thing to ship to the UK, but I have come to realize that anything that brings comfort is a good idea. With scents of apples and fall leaves, bringing my beloved candles in my freight shipment reminds me of home.

Wearing... Scarves, scarves and more scarves. It is cold, rainy and wet here so to add a bit of color to my black puffy coat a staple here in the UK. Brrrr!

Watching... College Basketball. I am a huge college basketball fan, cheering on my beloved Gonzaga Bulldogs since being in college and I love nothing more than watching college hoops. I love nothing more than spending a lazy day catching up on basketball. Go Zags!

Feeling... Excited for my younger sister Becky to finally arrive in the UK! She arrives next Tuesday, and will be here for three weeks, and I am getting beyond excited. We have plans to see castles, eat fish and chips, even a weekend in Dublin. I can’t wait to share the UK with her! 

Thinking... That October went by way too quickly! I literally cannot believe Halloween is this week, what is this all about? Here in the UK, the autumn traditions are different you don’t really do pumpkin patches or feast on pumpkin treats, so it hasn’t really felt like October. I can hardly believe that November is next week.

Learning… To be in the moment with life, to be grateful of the life I have in the UK with my supportive husband. For me to really appreciate, I am unplugging once a week to let us just hangout. Movie watching, or even playing a board game or a night of bowling, it is a fun way to learn to just be.

Wondering… What scary movie we should watch on Halloween. Suggestions anyone?

Wishing… You all a wonderful Sunday, and a spooky and fun filled Halloween!   Thank you sweet Betsy for having me!

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linking up with siddathornton

What "Expat" Means To Me

When I started blogging back in April 2010, I was preparing to submit my visa application to move back to the UK.  I'd lived abroad twice before, for eight months as an undergraduate in Paris and for a year while pursuing my MA in London, but this time I knew I was embarking on a very different experience.  I was expatriating, not just studying abroad; it's a distinction that's entirely semantic and subjective, but one that made a big difference in how I approached my new life.

I've been reading post after post recently from other bloggers who live abroad - and those who hope to live abroad - about moving elsewhere because they want to travel.  They pour over guide books, practicing their "please" and "thank you" in foreign languages and scouring the web for deals on flights.  In a way, I'm jealous of their enthusiasm and their energy.  The world is their oyster, and they can't wait to devour it.

That's not me.  Of course I like visiting new places and exploring new cultures, but that's not me.  I've been to 11 countries besides the United States, which is a lot compared to some but only a drop in the ocean compared to others, but if you saw the crammed pages of my last passport, you'd assume I've been to many more.  The thing is, though, that most of the stamps were accrued on trips between my two homes, DC and London.

Here, let's go back to the very first post on this blog to try to explain it better:

I suppose I should begin with this: I have never had wanderlust. I have never felt the burning desire to be on the move, to be on my feet, to be on the road.

My travels, therefore, have not been the result of a longing to be elsewhere. Rather, they've been the result of a longing to find a home. I certainly love my parents’ house in Washington, DC, but recently I’ve been feeling pulled more and more by the need to make my own home. That pull is tugging me to London.

As I've discovered new-to-me expat/travel blogs, I've been introduced to completely different examples of what it means to live abroad.  I hadn't thought about it before, but everyone has their own definition for expat, traveler, and tourist.  (Tourist seems to be a bad word these days; I totally disagree, but that's a post for a different time!)  It's made me really examine my own definitions - and where better to share them than my blog?

What "Expat" Means To Me

It means wading through the frustrations of opening a bank account, signing a mobile phone contract, and having your estate agent on speed dial.

It means making multiple trips to Ikea to start furnishing your new house - but also saving up for investment pieces to make it a home.

It means finding your local pub or café where the bartender or barista might not know your name but always remembers your order.

It means understanding the nuances of current events in your adopted country and complaining about the politicians even thought you might not have the right to vote.

It means making a family out of people who have different origin stories and cultural references than you.

It means being able to laugh at yourself and say thank you when you use the wrong word, wrong pronunciation, or wrong phrase and someone corrects you - and being invested enough learn for the future.

It means having your heart constantly in two places and feeling guilty about prioritizing one over the other.

It means missing celebrations and tragedies in your native country because you can't put your life on hold to go back all the time.

It means not wondering when but if you'll be seeing your family over the course of a year.

It means being able to hop on a plane for a weekend in another country in theory but staying where you are because of previous commitments to your job, your friends, and/or your new family.

It means being known as "the American" in your new country but going back to your hometown and being told you've developed an accent.

It means feeling secure in your identity as an American abroad but mindful of the need to assimilate to your new country.

It means finding the balance between the exciting and the everyday, making every moment count while appreciating that this is simply your life now.

my mother, sister, father, and me behind Bruisyard Hall (Suffolk, England) two days after my wedding.

I'm over on Belinda's blog today talking about what I've learned from being in a long distance relationship, which is unfortunately a byproduct being an expat for me!  If you've come here from there, welcome - I'd love to meet you, so do say hello in the comments!  And if you started here, make sure to visit Found Love, Now What? to see the vlog and Q&A I shared there.

Six Things

Yesterday afternoon, I opened up an email from Casey.  It began like this:

Just wanted to give each of you a heads up that I've tagged you in a post on my blog today! I know, I know... people HATE being tagged in these kinds of posts.

And I thought, "Oh my God. What is this about?  Maybe it's one of those super annoying... actually, I don't know what this could be because I usually feel special when I'm tagged by a blogger but this sounds scary."  So I finished reading her email and I clicked over to her post and breathed a sigh of relief because, strangely, I love these kinds of posts!  Sometimes bloggers cop out - if I read one more "I'm afraid to tell you that I'm a perfectionist" I might scream - but Casey got totally real in hers.  (I especially loved her #4.)  So thanks for tagging me, lady, and here goes!

photo from this past weekend's #americanbachelorette

If money were no object, what are 2 things you'd buy for yourself right now?
You know you're a brave new world of adulthood when the two things you'd buy if bills grew on trees are a house and a car.  There are lots of fun things I'd love to splash out on, but these are two significant purchases that would really help Jon and me start our life together here in DC.  I'm renting a studio right now and I love it, but it's not a long-term option for us ("us" includes Charlie too, obviously) and Jon, while not generally a huge fan of making Big Plans For The Future, is super excited about owning a home.  And then you don't strictly need a car in DC - I rely mostly on public transportation and am sometimes able to borrow my parents' car when I really need it plus I have a Zipcar membership - but, especially with a big dog, it makes life so much easier.

Pick 3 bloggers: who would you most like to travel with?
Easy!  I'd want to go on a luxe city break with Lauren from Aspiring Kennedy.  Gesci would be the best travel companion for a slightly more rugged holiday of wandering through scenic landscapes (with the dogs, of course).  And I'd love to plan a history-filled week of visiting stately homes, crumbling castles, and magnificent museums with Belinda.

Tell me about a time you felt in awe of something.
I find medieval cathedrals overwhelmingly awesome.  The National Cathedral in Washington was my second home growing up so you'd think I'd be used to these sorts of places but, even though I'm intimately familiar with gothic architecture and I'm not Christian, I feel absolutely humbled when I enter the soaring nave of a cathedral.  Made of one hundred million pounds of weighty stone, some walls seemingly sustained only by colored glass, with breathtakingly soaring arches and brilliantly intricate carvings, medieval cathedrals were built for the glory of God.  It's easy to understand how, centuries ago, before modern tools and engineering, it was believed that they were built by the glory of God as well.  (This PBS show on European cathedrals is fantastic; I definitely recommend watching it if you want to learn more!)

If you could pack up all your belongings and move to a new city or country, where would you move?
Honestly, I'm looking forward to not moving for a while!  That's part of the reason that Jon's immigrating to the US - I can't bear another transatlantic shlep right now.  But we do talk abstractly about where we might like to live when we move back to England, which we will eventually; London's at the top of the list, of course, but we're also toying with the idea of trying out Oxford or Cambridge.  Because of our careers, we do need to be in a good-sized town with a thriving cultural/intellectual scene, but we like the sound of somewhere a bit slower and smaller than London.  Who knows what will happen, of course, especially depending on what the economy does and how our needs and/or priorities change when we have children, but I do enjoy fantasy property hunting in the meantime!

Do you believe in love at first sight? Why or why not?
Just like everyone has a unique definition of intimacy, I think we each have our own definitions for love.  Based on mine, I don't believe in love at first sight.  Interest at first sight?  Absolutely.  Attraction at first sight?  Definitely.  Lust at first sight?  Certainly.  But love - no.  Love, as I define it, can't be felt until you've explored the other person's mind and heart, and that's not possible on sight alone.

Riddle me this. If winners never quit and quitters never win, how is it possible to quit while you're ahead?
I'm pretty sure this question was meant as a joke, but I actually stayed up really late last night thinking about it!  And I have an answer: I think that you can quit while you're ahead but still win by changing your definition of "quitting" and "winning."  (Man, I'm all about definitions these days!)  This is actually one of the things I struggle with the most - knowing how to pick my battles, where to stop, when to be satisfied with what I've accomplished, and why it's okay to set limits.  (The word "definition" actually comes from the Latin definiendum, which originates in definio or "I set limits."  How cool is that?)  If there are no limits to what you try to achieve, you'll never actually achieve anything!  You can accomplish anything if you change how you understand winning.

Now it's my turn to pick a few bloggers to tag to answer my questions!  I'm going to tap my upcoming September sponsors:

KC at K.C. Saling
Belle at Finding My Virginity
Sarah at The Quixotic Chica
Belinda at Found Love, Now What?  (She's actually done one already - find it here! - but I'm tagging her again with new questions anyway because I'm generous like that.)

And here are the questions:

- Tell us about a situation that ended with you feeling really proud of yourself.
- I always leave conversations thinking, "Oh man, I wish I had said that witty comeback but I came up with it too late!"  When was the last time it happened to you?
- Someone is giving you a full scholarship and a stipend to get a degree in anything, anywhere you want.  Where would you go and what would you study?
- What did you want to be when you grew up?
- If you could be a fictional character, who would it be?
- What actor would you choose to play you in a movie about your life?

Of course, anyone can play along even if you haven't been tagged!  Let us know if you do - or if you already have - by leaving a comment so we can check out your post.  I can't wait to see what you come up with!

By the way, speaking of sponsors... I have one more Casual Traveler spot left for September and October is almost all booked!  Email me at betsytransatlantically@gmail.com if you want to discuss partnering.

Wedding Wednesday: Veil (and a Giveaway!)

When I started planning my wedding, a veil didn't factor into my mental images.  I mean, I threw tulle (or a towel or a tablecloth) over my head when I played bride as a child, but I didn't imagine myself wearing a veil when it all stopped being abstract.  They're lovely, of course, and I know that there are tons o' cute modern and less formal options out there, but they always make me think of church weddings à la The Sound of Music.  Since we're having a civil ceremony in a barn, I just didn't picture myself wearing a veil.

That changed with my first dress fitting, when I told my mother and seamstress that I didn't want one and they both gasped in horror.  Honestly, I didn't feel strongly one way or another - but they clearly did, so I said I'd consider it.  As the weeks passed and I started looking into options, the idea became more and more appealing.  I still wanted to keep things simple, though, and, since our wedding is somewhat formal and traditional, that ruled out a lot of the current trends in bridal headwear.  (TheKnot.com has some terms and tips, if you're unfamiliar, as does Martha Stewart Weddings.)

Now, if you remember, there were four pieces of heirloom bling that I talked about using to accessorize my gown; two that made up a buckle and would serve as the focal point of the sash at my waist, and two clips that would sit at the top of my shoulders.  However, the buckle ended up having the wrong proportions for the sash and the shoulder clips looked incongruously vintage against my bespoke dress, so we axed both of those ideas and decided to turn the buckle into a comb for my hair!

It turns out that my mother's coworker, Nina, is an amazing craftswoman who makes, among other things, bridal headwear.  She's got two fabulous Etsy shops - one specifically for brides called CIAOsposa and one for every day special occasions called CIAOnina - and even had one of her pieces featured on Gossip Girl!  She very kindly offered to make my veil for me, so we passed along the buckle and, a few weeks later, received this:

via

It's gorgeous!  The veil is simple tulle without any edging and comes down to my elbows, curving around at the bottom in the front and dipping down a little lower in the back.  The magical thing, as you can see from Nina's Instagram above, is that it's detatchable from the comb!  I'll wear the whole veil for the ceremony and (some of) the photos and then can take off the tulle to just wear the comb for the reception.  Brilliant, right?  Nina is a magician.

And so, as a wedding gift to all of you from me, I'm giving you a chance to win a $25 gift certificate to either CIAOnina or CIAOsposa!  She doesn't just make headpieces, though that's what I've included in the collage below because I have a one-track mind right now - there are tons o' fun things in her shops for all ladies regardless of bridal status!  Check them out on Etsy and then come back here to enter this fantastic giveaway.  A winner will be announced next Wednesday.  Good luck!

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linking up with little bit of class, little bit of sass and chits&giggles

If I Were Six For A Day...

Good morning, dear readers!  Are you ready for our July link up?  Go, write your post and then come back to share it!  I want to see how you'd spend your day if you could be six years old again.

Now, my wonderful sponsors helped me come up with this topic, so I absolutely encourage you to read their posts especially and to follow them - they're all fantastic women with really engaging blogging voices.  Just to remind you who they are, we've got Belinda from Found Love, Now What?, who guest posted for a Wedding Wednesday here a few weeks ago, Nicola from So We Live Forever, who stopped by last weekend with a Sunday Currently, Julie from J Bound, Whitney from Observant Turtle, and Megan from Elbowglitter.  Okay, ready?  But wait.  First you have to watch this video of a puppy sliding on its belly down a flight of stairs.  Then we'll get to my day as a six year old!

When I was a child, I ate a bowl of dry Special K for breakfast with a glass of water.  No, I wasn't in jail.  I was just strange.  But if I were a twenty-something pretending to be six, I'd definitely start the day with a pancake face.  (Are you following me on Instagram?  This will be a lot more fun if you are!)  I'd probably let Charlie lick the syrup off my fingers when I'd finished, and then we'd get down on the carpet for some tug of war.

My mom let me dress myself when I was little, and she said I always surprised her by putting together outfits that she'd never have imagined would work... but they did.  I wonder what I can come up with today?  I did like dresses, which was a huge problem because I had to wear shorts to summer camp, but I get to make the rules now since I'm a grown up six year old.  However, I do have to wear something that can get dirty, because of the roughhousing with Charlie after breakfast.

In fact, I think we'll spend the morning playing!  We'll go to the park and run around for a while and then go find the swings.  I love the swings.  They confuse Charlie.  It's funny.  But he does like jumping on me when I come down the slide!  (Yes, I know all of this from my time spent as an adult.  What?  I love playgrounds!)  When we get back home, we'll probably need to cool off by running though the sprinklers and sitting in the kiddie pool.

Then it will be lunch time.  Even now, more than 20 years later, I think that a classic lunch is a sandwich with a bag of chips and an apple and a cookie, so I'll make turkey and cheese with mayo and lettuce on rye plus Baked Lays, which they actually didn't have when I was a kid but for some reason I remember always getting Sunchips in camp lunches and hating them so, again, I can do whatever I want because I'm a grown up six year old.  As for the cookie... I'm thinking oatmeal raisin.

I'll probably want to curl up with a book for a while after that.  Cross my heart, half of the photos of me as an elementary schooler are of me sprawled in an armchair in the living room with a book.  If I really were six, I'd be reading The Boxcar Children.  Since I'm not, I'll go for The Dog Stars, which I just bought last weekend.  Eventually, I'll probably nod off.  You're never too old for a nap, you know?

The rest of the afternoon will be for arts and crafts.  I don't think I was ever big on drawing, but I do remember being a friendship bracelet fanatic.  I got really good at Chinese Staircase one summer!  These days I'm working on a needlepoint for Jon's mother, but that uses the same thread as friendship bracelets so it totally still works for the theme of the day.

Dinner will be a hamburger plus corn on the cob - if I had a loose tooth I'd have to ask my mom to cut the kernels off, so thank goodness I'm a grown up six year old.  Afterwards, I'll probably need to take a bath.  It's been a long busy day and I'll be a mess by the end of it!  Then I'll crawl into bed (wearing a nightgown, obviously) and, after a few more pages of my book, will be out like a light with Charlie stretched out next to me.  Being six is hard work, you know!