What "Expat" Means To Me

When I started blogging back in April 2010, I was preparing to submit my visa application to move back to the UK.  I'd lived abroad twice before, for eight months as an undergraduate in Paris and for a year while pursuing my MA in London, but this time I knew I was embarking on a very different experience.  I was expatriating, not just studying abroad; it's a distinction that's entirely semantic and subjective, but one that made a big difference in how I approached my new life.

I've been reading post after post recently from other bloggers who live abroad - and those who hope to live abroad - about moving elsewhere because they want to travel.  They pour over guide books, practicing their "please" and "thank you" in foreign languages and scouring the web for deals on flights.  In a way, I'm jealous of their enthusiasm and their energy.  The world is their oyster, and they can't wait to devour it.

That's not me.  Of course I like visiting new places and exploring new cultures, but that's not me.  I've been to 11 countries besides the United States, which is a lot compared to some but only a drop in the ocean compared to others, but if you saw the crammed pages of my last passport, you'd assume I've been to many more.  The thing is, though, that most of the stamps were accrued on trips between my two homes, DC and London.

Here, let's go back to the very first post on this blog to try to explain it better:

I suppose I should begin with this: I have never had wanderlust. I have never felt the burning desire to be on the move, to be on my feet, to be on the road.

My travels, therefore, have not been the result of a longing to be elsewhere. Rather, they've been the result of a longing to find a home. I certainly love my parents’ house in Washington, DC, but recently I’ve been feeling pulled more and more by the need to make my own home. That pull is tugging me to London.

As I've discovered new-to-me expat/travel blogs, I've been introduced to completely different examples of what it means to live abroad.  I hadn't thought about it before, but everyone has their own definition for expat, traveler, and tourist.  (Tourist seems to be a bad word these days; I totally disagree, but that's a post for a different time!)  It's made me really examine my own definitions - and where better to share them than my blog?

What "Expat" Means To Me

It means wading through the frustrations of opening a bank account, signing a mobile phone contract, and having your estate agent on speed dial.

It means making multiple trips to Ikea to start furnishing your new house - but also saving up for investment pieces to make it a home.

It means finding your local pub or café where the bartender or barista might not know your name but always remembers your order.

It means understanding the nuances of current events in your adopted country and complaining about the politicians even thought you might not have the right to vote.

It means making a family out of people who have different origin stories and cultural references than you.

It means being able to laugh at yourself and say thank you when you use the wrong word, wrong pronunciation, or wrong phrase and someone corrects you - and being invested enough learn for the future.

It means having your heart constantly in two places and feeling guilty about prioritizing one over the other.

It means missing celebrations and tragedies in your native country because you can't put your life on hold to go back all the time.

It means not wondering when but if you'll be seeing your family over the course of a year.

It means being able to hop on a plane for a weekend in another country in theory but staying where you are because of previous commitments to your job, your friends, and/or your new family.

It means being known as "the American" in your new country but going back to your hometown and being told you've developed an accent.

It means feeling secure in your identity as an American abroad but mindful of the need to assimilate to your new country.

It means finding the balance between the exciting and the everyday, making every moment count while appreciating that this is simply your life now.

my mother, sister, father, and me behind Bruisyard Hall (Suffolk, England) two days after my wedding.

I'm over on Belinda's blog today talking about what I've learned from being in a long distance relationship, which is unfortunately a byproduct being an expat for me!  If you've come here from there, welcome - I'd love to meet you, so do say hello in the comments!  And if you started here, make sure to visit Found Love, Now What? to see the vlog and Q&A I shared there.