A Year of Long Distance, by Jon

Dear readers, tomorrow marks one year since I moved back to DC from London.  In honor of the anniversary, I asked Jon if he'd write a guest post for Betsy Transatlantically about what the past 364 days of long distance have been like for him.  You've heard about it from my side - here and here and here and here and here - but I was hoping he'd tell you a bit of how he feels about being in a long distance engagement (and, in less than three months, a long distance marriage).  Now, English boys are notoriously bad about feelings; you might be able to get them to admit that they have some, maybe, but convincing them to share those feelings is another matter entirely.  Add to that Jon's discomfort with blogging in general, and... well, I cried when I read the email he sent me.

Jon, I love you.  We've made it through a year and we can handle whatever else we have to - in the end, it will all be worth it to be together.

Skyping on a Saturday; 8am EST, 1pm BST

One thing I know about myself is that I truly dislike the experience of typing on a screen - it somehow just seems wrong to scrabble around on a shiny, unresponsive flat surface trying to string together something approximating a sentence, let alone a meaningful one. It's probably why I have a mortal aversion (except at times of desperate need) to Twitter, Facebook and anything else that requires me to share information about myself using a touchscreen. The number of times I just want to talk, not to a screen or to a phone, but to the person I love, can feel overwhelming.

To that end I am probably the worst individual imaginable to enter into a long distance relationship with in the 21st century - one that is based largely, out of necessity, on WhatsApp messaging, and I am truly grateful and amazed that Betsy has put up with it and me so well for as long as she has. We both make the best of whatever forms of communication we have at our disposal - we Skype whenever we can, generally late at night for me (when I'm trying not to be sleepy) and early in the evening for her (when Charlie really really needs a walk). I miss her every day and we will get through the rest of this together, even if we're both currently plonked on either side of the Atlantic. Yet regardless of whatever challenges there are still to come, I really do think that things only get better from here. We're over halfway through this now and the rest should pretty much be a doddle. It's not like anyone was ever really challenged by organising a wedding (with the bride out of the country!), navigating the transatlantic visa process or moving to a new country, right?

Actually, I truly do believe that all of those things, while of course vital, are not as important in our long-distance relationship as it is to take the time to talk about the day-to-day stuff, the seemingly trivial stuff, the silly stuff that couples who see each other every day don't even think about because it's just there. One thing I think we've learnt is that it can become tempting, when every conversation is time-limited, to focus on the Big Stuff, the things that need talking about, that need doing, the life-changing decisions. Of course those discussions need to happen, but we also try to make time to just talk (or in my case sometimes drunkly ramble beside my iPad, as is my wont), when it doesn't matter that much what's being said, just that it is. That's sometimes more difficult than it sounds, and so when Betsy and I are finally together again, it's one of the things I'm looking forward to the most. I really love you Betsy, and I want to listen everything you have to say for as long as you want to say it, even your "interrupting starfish" joke.