Every few days I tweet about having been caught by a neighbor while on a walk with Charlie saying absurd things. Here are some of the regulars:
This looks like the best bush for a pee!
No, Charlie, you're not a cow. No! How many stomachs do you have? One. So stop eating the grass!
Charlie, that's a rock. That's not a rabbit. Calm down.
Do you have a poop in you?
You don't even want to know what I say to Charlie when we're in the house. I mean, I told you about some of the singing; sometimes we have actual conversations together. Well, I have the conversation, anyway. For instance, when I'm making a meal and he looks up at me with those eyes that say "Please, gentle lady, I have never ever eaten before in my whole life and I'm too sweet to die of starvation so please would you share a morsel with me in the name of Christian charity?" I tell him, in the words of Paul, "Love is patient, love is kind." And then I give him some food. I'm actually kind of concerned that he thinks I'm totally weird. But that's what happens when you have a little one in the family! Speaking of, have you seen these graphics that Nathan Ripperger created to illustrate the ridiculous things he says to his children? They're too funny - and they hit too close to home!
I'm usually against giving people food to the dogs (because they're both already chubby little pigs), but every so often I get in the mood to toss them little bits of popcorn or crackers or whatever just for the purpose of making them catch. Ruby's pretty good at it, but Goldy could not catch something to save her life. I think she doesn't understand the process.
ReplyDeletein theory, we're against giving food to dogs, too. in practice... THOSE EYES. you try to resist them! actually, though, Snickers, our first lab, did get to a point where the vet told us we had to stop feeding him people food and start giving him diet pet food. he lost 15 lbs! so we are careful. careful, but totally weak.
ReplyDeleteLol I love blogger stories about their dogs. Ours are such pampered pooches, they get whatever they want just by tipping that little head of theirs to the side and giving us the face.
ReplyDeletehaha well we do try to incorporate sooooome training into the treats...
ReplyDeleteOy. If you're weird for talking to another living being, what does it say that I talk to myself while getting ready in the morning? (glances at clock) "Oh good. Ten more minutes. Definitely enough time for more Keurig coffee." "Stacey, don't forget your umbrella." YIKES! :)
ReplyDeleteGlad I'm not alone in my dog loving weirdness. I potty trained my pup with encouraging him to "Go poopy out your booty" and when he takes too long on his walks I find myself repeating this phrase and I am horrified if any passerby hears me!
ReplyDeletexo
@breaellis
WHAT I WORE: tip to toe!
I once screamed at the top of my lungs "If you don't stop barking I will pull this car over this instant!" and then realized you don't have to have human kids to turn into your mom...
ReplyDeleteand I regularly say "we don't pee on landscaping. People don't want to put their hands in your pee."
Paul wanted Sloan to have a command for poo since she's a mosey-er and tends to exhaustively search for the perfect spot. So she (kind of; it was more when she was a puppy) knows "other potty". And it's fairly obvious when she needs to go (things stick out...), so I'll be on a walk saying "Good grief, Sloan, your poo is TRYING TO ESCAPE. Let it go!"
As for giving them food, when you eventually meet Max you'll learn just how hard that is to resist. He takes stuff with his lips from your hand but teeth from a fork and then is the most adorable chomper EVER. Just the right amount of smacks and lip-licking. Luckily he loves fruits and veg, so we shared a cut up apple earlier!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEEK, CHARLIE!!!!!!!
haha thank goodness I have Charlie - I pretend like I'm saying all those things to him! :)
ReplyDeletethat makes PERFECT sense.
ReplyDeleteI do sometimes threaten Charlie with time out :) but EW SLOAN THAT IS GROSS. can't wait to meet them both!
ReplyDeleteI love this post.
ReplyDeleteThose graphics are amazing! And I'm totally guilty of talking to my dog in public, AND, I've developed a compulsion where if I even SEE any dog, the words "LOOK AT THAT LITTLE MAN!" come out of my mouth before I can stop them. It's bad. It's real bad.
ReplyDeleteI laughed out loud at your interpretation of Charlie's begging.
Me: "Oooh, that little bird is so cute! I just want to put it in my pocket."
ReplyDeleteNick: "It's not going to hop in your pocket. It's going to suffocate."
that sounds super morbid, but I promise it was funnier at dinner tonight.
The voice I speak to Anabelle with is seriously off the charts. It's so high, it doesn't even sound like me sometimes!
I am SURE that Bella (my sweet dog) thinks I am weird. Since we moved to the UK she has become my everyday companion while hubby is at work and my son is at school. I carry on a dialogue with her all day and often serenade her. Prior to our move I always worked full time so from puppy till now she NEVER experienced so much interaction. I think she quite likes it but the other day as I was busying myself vacuuming and cleaning all her fur I started to verbally complain about the amount of fur she sheds and when I looked over at her we locked eyes and I am sure I heard her say "I have fur. Deal with it!"....that shut me up. ha!
ReplyDeletehaha well I know you've had dogs and a young child, so you must understand!
ReplyDeletearen't they? I wish I could do that for what I say :)
ReplyDeleteWhitney, I get you - sometimes my mom and I talk about taking Charlie's ears with us to work because they're so soft. I mean, duh.
ReplyDeletehaha I totally know that face! sometimes when I squish Charlie, he looks up at me and I swear he says, "yes, I know I'm cute, but I will still be cute when I wake up from this nap and you can squish me then."
ReplyDeleteThose are hysterical! I'm sure if someone secretly recorded me when I am home alone with Fifty, the whole world would be convinced of my insanity.
ReplyDeleteAnd we did the same thing with Fifty's birthday that you did with Charlie's. We got him on December 5th and he was about three months, so we decided his birthday is the 5th of September :)