Sunday, June 1, 2014

Two Years Ago Last Friday

Union Station; Washington, DC

Two years ago last Friday, a taxi picked Jon and me up from the flat in Finchley.  I spent most of the ride to the airport on the phone with 02, arguing about the cancellation of my phone plan; while it was a frustrating way to spend an hour, I was secretly glad to have the distraction.  Jon and I already had enough sad and silent journeys under our belts, holding hands and trying to think of new ways to say goodbye, and I wanted to stave that off for as long as possible.

Two years ago last Friday, I dried my tears and blew my nose and calmed my hiccoughs as I walked through security at Heathrow, away from my fiancé and towards the home I'd left behind years earlier.

Two years ago last Friday, a dour American immigration official at Dulles took my passport and, when I answered his questions, broke into a beaming smile and cried, "Welcome back!"  In response, I sobbed.

I've cried too many times to can count since then.  It's occasionally felt like I'm being tested as I make a new life here in DC without Jon; as I've said before, sometimes this chapter feels like limbo.  But, more often than not, I do fit here, in this life and in this city and in this chapter.  It's been an adventure to rediscover my hometown - anyone who has been in Washington for more than a decade will tell you that it's practically unrecognizable from when I was in high school, though the bones are the same.  It's been a pleasure to get to know my parents essentially as peers, as wonderfully generous and beautifully flawed people who, I'm proud to say, I'm much more like than I would have wanted to admit when I last lived here.  It's been satisfying to have found and furnished an apartment and made it a home for the three of us to live in for (possibly) the next few years, though it's just Charlie and me right now.  It's been self-affirming to survive the wrong job, the right job that then ceased to exist, and unemployment, all of which led me finally to the place my career (and, I say without hyperbole, my heart) wants me to be.  And it's been comforting to not only have engaged with dear old friends while maintaining friendships from London but also to have made fantastic new friends, women who are as kind and funny and irreverent as any I might ever hope to know.

(It's also been character-strengthening to take on Homeland Security and the State Department and to stand strong against delays and misunderstandings and complications.  For those of you who are interested, I've put in a calendar of our visa progress on the right sidebar of this blog and will update it as things progress.)

Two years ago last Friday, I started a new chapter.  It's important for me to remember that this isn't a time of purgatory but rather of pilgrimage.  Soon Jon will be here and we'll start yet another, but, tears aside, I'm not passively waiting for him to arrive.  All of these little moments of belonging, even without Jon, make up quite an active life.  It's a challenging life, a full life, and a beautiful one.  I'm moving forward, as are we all, in a succession of little moments, and life is good.

Happy June, dear readers.


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20 comments:

  1. Love this. God doesn't give us anything hard to go through without also equipping us to handle it. :)

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  2. Love this, Betsy. I will soon be an expat myself and I'm sure I will experience much of the same. I'm a new follower who discovered you through the Life is Good link up on Belinda's Found Love blog. Looking forward to following your journey. :-)


    Kelly
    www.alovelylifeindeed.com

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  3. I wish I could just reach through the computer and give you a big hug. Long distance gave me a hatred of airports. I tend to associate flying with crying softly in lines and on planes. The worst was when I left England in 2010 knowing we'd have 6 months without a visit in between and finding a letter that Sam had slipped into my purse at check-in without me noticing. I'm pretty sure everyone in the American Airlines waiting area thought `I had lost my mind. (Watching Disney movies on the plan cheered me up a bit!)


    Jon will be with you soon and immigration will be a distant nightmare (one day)! My friend who filed her paperwork two weeks after you did still hasn't heard a peep about her I-130 being approved yet- she's near epic meltdown level about it... xxx

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  4. I have felt precisely the same way. So many tears to strangers on planes! Much love. I am glad you are optimistic about it x

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  5. Your outlook, strength, and writing skills are to be admired. I think I speak for all of your readers when I say we'll be doing a major happy dance for you both when Jon arrives here.

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  6. Oh Betsy, this post is beyond wonderfully honest. I adored when you said, "It's important for me to remember that this isn't a time of purgatory but rather of pilgrimage." Such amazing insight and truth. Continue on your pilgrimage, growing and learning about yourself. Thank you for joining up this month!

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  7. I'm so impressed by your positivite outlook and ability to write so coherently on what must be a tough, tough subject. Well done you. Fingers crossed things will sort themselves out soon and you can begin to start your married life in the same city, I can't even imagine how wonderful that will be for you both.

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  8. hello and welcome and thank you and nice to meet you!

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  9. oh man, I would have totally fallen apart at that letter! but what a sweetheart your Sam is :)

    sending LOTS of urgent thoughts to your friend and love to you!

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  10. oh thank you, Nadine! I definitely have my meltdown moments, but writing this sort of stuff helps me be stronger so thank you for bearing along as I power through :)

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  11. I wrote this because of you, so thank YOU! it'll be good to have this check-in on the first of the month. let's see where we are in July!

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  12. I can't even imagine how hard that must be. Your strength is inspiring. My hubby and I have been apart a month, and I'm just going crazy waiting. And he is just a few states away! Stay strong, and stay focused on the happy, happy reunion you will be having.

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  13. so beautifully written. hoping that things move along quickly, and your new beginning together can begin soon.

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  14. So beautiful and your words dig deep in my own memories. I remember when Nick and I apart thinking that I seriously couldn't cry anymore after so many tears and goodbyes, but like I've said many times, long distance relationships do end up so much stronger for it when you're back together. We still cherish so many things that I think couples that never do long distance don't understand. And like you said, this time in your life should be cherished too, you have the rest of your life together and Jon will be there before you know it! :)

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  15. For the last year and a bit, I have been seriously contemplating that my time here might be winding down, though I don't want it to. Your posts about moving back to the DC area and rediscovering it as an adult have sort of given me faith that even if I do end up back in the US (and not in LA...) that it needn't be the most depressing thing ever to have happened. Not to be overly dramatic. ;-)

    I can, however, understand the bursting into tears at immigration. I know if I ever do take that last flight from Heathrow, I will be inconsolable watching beautiful Hatton Cross disappear beneath the clouds. My last night in NYC I cried in the cab the whole way from Grove St to 116th... I'm not good with leaving places, a bad trait for someone not good at staying put! ;)

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  16. YES! --> " It's important for me to remember that this isn't a time of purgatory but rather of pilgrimage"
    I like your timeline on the right, we're eight days behind you :) x

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  17. It's amazing how strong we can be when we don't feel like we're being very strong. But, you are surviving and thriving, and you've got such a handsome companion to keep you company right now! I know that there have to be extremely frustrating times now and then, but you will make it through. You live in such a rich city with so much to offer- I sometimes wish we lived in such a place with all those opportunities! :)

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