Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Contradiction in Terms

I've been in a bit of a funk. I'm trying to explore why that is - explore with me, please?

My mom says that a funk always follows a manic period - and, to an extent, I've been a bit manic for the past five months.  I've been making an effort to create a new home, to assimilate to a new culture, and to succeed in a new work environment, and all of that combined has meant that I've been running on adrenaline since I moved to London in June.

So yes, Mom, I think you may be right.

But I also think my friend Christian may be right: she thinks that I've been working so hard to be wholly in this new life that I'm nervous about coming home for Thanksgiving.  (I'll be in DC November 22-25 and in NYC 26-27, if anyone wants to request an audience!)  Christian quickly put me - and any fears I may have - to rights, though.  Here's our conversation, exported with just a few edits from gchat:

christian: but what's this nervousness about coming home?
me: i don't knowwwwwwwww
christian: mmm i think you doooo
christian: worried that things will be different?
me: i guess?
christian:  i think you'll find we're still the same people we were when you left.  and altho your circumstances have changed drastically, i still know who you are.  its the truth, sister. we knew you way back when

It was exactly what I needed to hear.  Thanks, friend - you're the best.

In other news, it seems that I can't actually accept that I'm an employed Londoner now - not on the Internet, at least.  I refuse to unsubscribe to all of my US-based shopping emails (JCrew, Ann Taylor, RentTheRunway - I'm talking to you) as if I could, if I wanted, just order a dress off the website and have it delivered to my flat.  Also, I still compulsively check the Guardian's jobs website.  I'm not looking for another job, but I can't help checking to see what else is out there!  It's a problem, really.

What a contradiction I seem to be these days!  Le sigh.

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