Wednesday, January 1, 2014

A Guiding Word for 2014

It sounds so unobtrusive, doesn't it?  I mean, guiding words are usually strong and powerful.  They motivate and inspire and encourage, not like they're holding your hand and walking alongside you but like they're gripping the match that will light a flame under you.

Amicable is much more gentle, I think, and that's exactly what I need to be in 2014.  My guiding word for 2013 was metamorphosis; it's a selfish word for a year that was, in many ways, about focusing on my own growth.  I had a lot going on both personally and professionally and I don't feel guilty about that, but now it's time to nurture my relationships with others.

Jon, ever the peacemaker, is actually the one who put this word into my head.  When we were in the Bahamas last week, I snapped at a family member about something relatively insignificant and Jon took my hand and whispered lovingly to me, "Betsy, be amicable."

I'm often disproportionately frustrated by relationships that aren't conducted on my terms, but I've finally realized that my reactions and responses to those who don't meet my expectations can be truly unproductive.  Being amicable isn't about lowering my standards for how I should be treated or for the sorts of relationships in which I invest myself; rather, it's about giving others more room to meet those standards, perhaps in ways I might not recognize on first glance but which are, nonetheless, valid.  And it's about understanding that, when I'm unable to engage with friends or family or colleagues at the level I'd like, being amicable will keep more options open than the alternative will close.

So my guiding word for 2014 is amicable - and if you see me forgetting that, dear readers, you have my absolute permission to remind me as sternly as you'd like!  After all, you've been teaching me to be more amicable in your comments ever since you got here and for that, again, thank you.

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22 comments:

  1. I think this is a good word for the year- kindness and understanding never go out of style. I have debated on whether to give myself a word- I honestly hate being locked into the idea of one guiding principle since you never know how the year will go- but this is a much more gentle sentiment, so I don't think it will be hard to follow.

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  2. I love this word. I think we all have the tendency to look within instead of how we can relate better to others and amicable is such a great word and way to live :)

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  3. I love the idea of a guiding word for the year, I'll definitely have to have a think about what mine will be. As for your word, a great choice. I think we could all do with being a bit more amicable in our everyday life and relationships - after all it can't do any harm to be a bit more understanding and patient. Good luck!

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  4. Once again, I read your post and think to myself: brilliant. I often have very high expectations of others and get frustrated when they don't met them. But you're right, being amicable keeps the door open for future encounters. And maybe for a better setting of expectations myself. Brilliant! Just brilliant! Thank you for sharing. Wishing you a wonderful year full of "being amicable"!

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  5. Great word choice Betsy. Like Stacey, I tend to have high expectations and am easily frustrated when people aren't meeting them. It's not entirely fair since they usually have no idea how high my bar is set and well, they have no obligation to meet them. M usually tells me to chill and reminds me that not everyone thinks like I do. And he's right, I can't shut down people who don't meet my unspoken expectations and I can control how I respond to them and most any situation.


    Might have to try a guiding word for myself this year.


    Happy New Year to you and yours!

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  6. What a great word and perfect for marriage, I think I will need to add it to my personal ones for the year. The ones I have for this year are balance, relax, and happy.

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  7. yeah, I think it can be easy to be pressured by some guiding words - SOMETIMES I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE STRONG, YOU KNOW - so gentle can be the way to go!

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  8. I started seeing guiding words last year - not sure how long they've been a thing, but I like them more then resolutions because they're not so black and white and can fit into the whole year no matter how your life changes!

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  9. oh thank you! that is sweet. I just really liked how one of the definitions for "amicable" is "showing a polite and friendly desire to avoid disagreement and argument" - that really should be the default, shouldn't it? we can work on it together :)

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  10. What a great choice for 2014! I think everyone could benefit from being more amicable. Happy New Year!

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  11. I will happily work on it with you! A polite and friendly desire to avoid disagreement is certainly a good thing :)

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  12. I like this! I am horrible at a guiding word. I think I'm down to 4. :)

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  13. I can so relate to your last paragraph for many, many reasons, none of which are flattering to me in the slightest. "Amicable"… I like that better than "tactful", which is the trait Paul's been trying to push on me the past 12 years. I've thought about this "guiding word" and "theme of the year" idea, and, while I like it, I'm going a different angle. I am trying to be a better saver, so I'm going to print out pictures of someday-houses (style/locations that we want longterm) and post them all over my house. ;)

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  14. "It's not entirely fair since they usually have no idea how high my bar is set"

    THIS. my sister once pointed out to me that people can't meet expectations they don't know about - something I definitely need to remember too!

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  15. haha sounds like you're 4x as good at it as I am!

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  16. well of course I wrote it in the most positive way possible... it's not always spun so well in real life, alas! and I like your idea :)

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  17. In all honesty, I think this is a great word to apply to my life as well. I find myself snapping at Nick over the silliest things, and even did it to my family last week as well. I have a very hard time choosing a word for this year, but I'll definitely try to adopt some of this as well.

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  18. I think it's a lovely word. Happy New Year to you, Betsy.

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  19. Yeah, I do the snapping thing too. Only at people I really love though, so that makes it okay, right? Alright, alright, there might be something to this amicable thing. I've tucked it away in the back of my mind. And I like what you said about leaving room for other people to reach those standards, it puts a nice spin on things.

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