For the past few weeks, I've wanted to publish an essay here about the modesty doctrine debates that I've come across online with an angle towards a broader discussion about sexual harassment and/or assault, but then DOMA was struck down by the Supreme Court and that post became this post. The graphic above, which a friend posted on Facebook back in May, stuck with me, but I figured that I'd be preaching to the choir if I shared it here and wrote about my thoughts on the subject.
But then I read an opinion piece on Fox News titled "Men - The New Second Class Citizens" and I decided I had to put my frustration into words. The author, Suzanne Venker, begins by declaring, "The truth is, men have become second-class citizens." She concludes, "From boyhood through adulthood, the White American Male must fight his way through a litany of taunts, assumptions and grievances about his very existence. His oppression is unlike anything American women have faced."
Now, Venker doesn't cite any sources so I don't know from where she gets her information, but I will grant her the inklings of several valid points. Yes, men are often portrayed as buffoons on TV. I don't believe that they're any more maligned on screen than women, who are usually written to be shallow harridans, but okay. Fine. And yes, boys and girls learn differently and need unique academic environments in which to explore and succeed intellectually. But every educator recognizes this; I doubt you'll find one well-respected teacher or school administrator who thinks that, in the classroom, "boys are just unruly girls."
My understanding of Title IX as it regards collegiate sports isn't comprehensive and so I can't speak to her assertions with any authority. However, when Venker uses Title IX as the pivot on which to change her focus to allegations of harassment and assault - well, I'm comfortable fighting back against that. She writes:
But the college campus is a breeding ground for sexual activity, which makes determining wrongdoing (and using Title IX to prove it) extremely difficult. Sexual misconduct does not necessarily constitute harassment — and women have as much of a role to play as men do.
Here again men are in an impossible situation, for there’s an unspoken commandment when it comes to sex in America: thou shalt never blame the woman. If you’re a man who’s sexually involved with a woman and something goes wrong, it’s your fault. Simple as that.
Let me share some statistics from RAINN with you, Ms. Venker.
Every 2 minutes, someone in the US is sexually assaulted.
54% of sexual assaults are never reported to the police.
97% of rapists will never spend a day in jail.
Approximately 33% of assaults are committed by someone known to the victim.
Studies are conflicted on the incidence of false allegations of sexual harassment, assault, and rape; this article from 2012 explains why it's so hard to put an accurate number on misreported or fabricated sexual crimes. Regardless, according to US law, sexual misconduct is defined as "[encompassing] a range of behavior used to obtain sexual gratification against another’s will or at the expense of another." That certainly sounds like like harassment to me! It doesn't matter if the woman in the situation said yes at one point - if, at any time later, she says no and her partner doesn't stop, it's assault. When you take away a woman's right to decide what is done with her body and by whom, you're not reducing her to the status of a second-class citizen. You're relegating her to a sort of slavery in which she has no choice and no voice.
When you recognize a woman's right to say no, even if she once said yes, you aren't thereby declaring war on men. In fact, you're honoring men (as they absolutely deserve) by asserting that they can meet basic standards of respect and dignity towards all. If a man harasses or assaults a woman, he puts himself in a second-class status, one in which he cannot be trusted to treat women justly. And that is something a woman should never be blamed for.
