Thursday, June 6, 2013

Transatlantic Vows

I don't know if you saw my tweet last night, but, with 78 days to go until we start life as husband and wife, Jon and I have finally entered into the Dear God When Will This End phase of wedding planning.  The things is, though, that even when we don't specifically have wedding things to discuss, there's always bureaucracy in the back of our minds.  After filing my marriage visa application online early last week and then having my biometrics appointment on Friday, I submitted my full application to the consulate in New York on Monday.  (Remember, we can't legally get married in the UK if we're not granted this visa for whatever reason.)  I have a consultation with an immigration lawyer here in DC  this morning about Jon's visa to expatriate to the States.  And since we can't even apply for that until we're officially married and the process then takes approximately nine months... well, we'll be dealing with this plus the strain of communicating long-distance for quite some time to come.

Please don't think I'm complaining, dear readers; this is just the way it is right now and I know it will all be worth it in the end.  (By the way, do you know the difference between complaining and moaning in British and American English?)  But, to help me cope with the stress in a slightly more light-hearted way, I've come up with five alternate vows that Jon and I could promise each other on our wedding day as we head into more long-distance and the final visa hurdle.  What vows would you add from your own experiences?  Leave me - and all my transatlantic readers - your suggestions in the comments!


frame via; graphic by me


32 comments:

  1. These are cute :) Another one could be "I vow to focus on the wonderful future and the lifetime ahead of us." That would have been a good one for me to internalize when we were long-distance-married. It helps if both husband and wife are positive about the situation (my husband was awesome at this, whereas I got glum about it quite often) because then you're building each other up and reminding each other it's not so bad. I hope the next few months go well for you two, I'll be praying!

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  2. Carol Ann Duffy did a list of alternate wedding vows/poems when Kate and Will got married. My two favourites were by Wendy Cope and Roger McGough (you can find them within the list here): http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2011/apr/23/wedding-carol-ann-duffy-poetry
    A bit of Roger's poem:

    I vow to bear in mind that if, at times
    Things seem to go from bad to worse,
    They also go from bad to better.
    The lost purse is handed in, the letter
    Contains wonderful news. Trains run on time,
    Hurricanes run out of breath, floods subside,
    And toast lands jam-side up.

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  3. We used some of those! Not as our vows, but as our wedding readings! We used the Wendy Cope one, and the Jackie Kay one, which we had read by a big burly Scotsman friend of ours.

    I think a great transatlantic vow is "I promise not to call you weird or wrong just because it's different and not what I grew up with". I'm not weird, I'm just from another country, ok!?

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  4. Love those! :) And just think that hopefully in a year, you'll look back on all this and this, wow we were kind of amazing for dealing with all that was going on! :)

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  5. I feel like I need "I vow to never keep score" on my wall to remind myself ... I'm so guilty of it!

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  6. Georgia ChristakisJune 6, 2013 at 12:45 PM

    cute! but those are actually really good things to keep in mind (I may or may not still be guilty of that last one...ahem...) So excited for you guys! fingers are crossed that everything goes smoothly from here on out.

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  7. I think some of these could apply to non-relationships; I especially like the second part of the third vow, regarding mind-reading!

    I hope the visa works out so you and Jon will be able to get married soon. :)

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  8. I love the last one! I could make a sign out of it and hang it up in our house, because God knows it's true for both of us!

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  9. You can check current processing times here: http://www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/countries/usa/processing-times/?langname=null Just to help you keep an eye on things. Since my visa with Sam is a settlement one it might take up to 3 months for me to hear. It's already been 1.... It's the killer way to kick of what should be an exciting time in your relationship. But you should hear back really, really quickly! 2 weeks, tops! xx

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  10. We wrote our own vows, and mine were sincere but humorously-inclined (maybe no one found them funny but me, but whatever. It was my wedding, dammit.) Paul, the turd, goes and writes sweet, loving ones. I punched him in the arm afterwards for showing me up.
    And #3 & 4 of your vows are haaaaaaaard. If you succeed there, you are a better woman than I. (Honestly, I think you are anyway, but you know. The saying isn't "that is the 4,596 way you are a better woman than I", is it?)

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  11. So pleased to know someone used them! I was married 7 years already and wish I could have! I'm always passing that link along. Jackie Kay is amazing-do you know her poem, Darling? Beautiful.

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  12. I think you can complain if you want. It might be deserving of some complaining really. :)

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  13. Oh. I couldn't follow those vows if my life depended on it. That's tough stuff, Betsy!!!!

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  14. I was reading this and what is the rules exactly of marriage between a UK and American person? Is it generally easier to get married here versus there? I ask because all of what you are going through is more than likely going to happen with me. lol ..I could use all the advice I could get!


    Steph
    www.texastolondon.com

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  15. I AM SO BAD AT REMEMBERING THAT! And Jon is so good at reminding me, which sometimes makes me want to hit him across the phone lines, so maybe we should also add "I vow to take a walk or a nap before threatening you with bodily harm."


    thank you, that really means a lot :)

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  16. STOP IT. I found that article and we might be using a reading from it! ahhhh this makes me so happy :)

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  17. I can't promise not to call him weird. And he can't promise not to call me weird. We'd be setting ourselves up for failure! Haha

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  18. haha YES we definitely congratulated ourselves the other night for not giving up - but it WILL be so worth it :)

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  19. haha I don't know if that works with someone who grew up in England without a/c (because it never gets hotter than the 80s!) and in a culture that refuses to turn on the heat until the temperature outside hits freezing! but I like it in theory :)

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  20. oh man me too. it's applicable to every relationship, I think!

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  21. haha thank you - LEARN FROM OUR MISTAKES, YOUNG JEDI :)

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  22. so true! #3 definitely applies to my relationship with my dad...


    thank you :)

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  23. oh thank you! they've only had it for a few days and the average processing time for mine is 13 business days, so I should get it back on the 21st... fingers crossed for both of us!

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  24. hahahahaha that would totally happen to us. remind me to tell you about the short story we wrote together, alternating chapters... AHEM.


    hey, these have to be vows made in blood before God for a reason - I can't stick to them otherwise!

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  25. haha thank you! but in this instance, it's more fun to moan in the British style :)

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  26. I KNOW. I set the bar high :) if I don't reach the moon, at least I'm among the stars? or something...

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  27. it is SO MUCH EASIER to get married in the US than it is to get married in the UK. it's just as hard to settle in one place as in the other, but just getting legally married is easier in the US. I have some old posts on this... I'll try to find them for you!

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  28. Manohar Singh Aakeli'B'June 8, 2013 at 6:25 AM

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  29. Your vows are great, I wish my husband had vowed, "I vow to clarify my expectations and not assume you can read my mind" because I swear he thinks I live inside his brain.

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  30. love this... and dont worry every (honest) bride has had the "OMG when will all this planning END?!" moment(s). but once that big day comes it'll be perfect (just like your vows!) xo

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  31. WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME? we would have eloped :P

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I love reading your thoughts and suggestions! Please do leave a comment so we can get to know each other better.