Monday, June 10, 2013

Clean v. Tidy


I've always been good at picking up after myself.  I hate getting into an unmade bed, I almost always put my clothes away after I've taken them off, and my dirty dishes are thrown straight into the sink to soak after a meal.  When I lived in dorms in college, it seemed easy to keep things clean.  However, when I was in Paris, where one of my flatmates was a lovely girl who (we think) developed a debilitating case of OCD while studying abroad, I learned that there's a big difference between being tidy and being clean.

The difference was highlighted when I lived with Jon: I'm tidy, but he's clean.  I can't stand remnants of onion skin scattered around the kitchen floor or a crumpled piece of paper sitting right next to the bin. Jon... isn't bothered by any of that.  He'll leave half-empty glasses on the windowsill for a week and washed but unfolded laundry in the hamper until it's all been worn again and needs to go back into the machine.  Jon will probably disagree* with me on this, but he's not tidy.  It just doesn't come naturally to him.

Thank goodness Jon shines where I fall short.  I hate cleaning.  I will spend an hour arranging the books on my bookshelves and making sure the dishwasher is stacked to maximize space and straightening out my closet.  However, I cannot come up with enough excuses to avoid actually scrubbing and vacuuming and mopping.  I mean, sure, I'll wipe up spills in the kitchen and brush crumbs from the table into a napkin, but I find deep cleaning incredibly stressful and I avoid it whenever I can.  Jon, on the other hand, takes enormous pride in his cleaning skills.

Every few weeks, Jon will take an entire weekend afternoon to clean - and I mean really clean.  He'll be on his hands and knees in the tub, he'll angle himself for the most hidden corners in the kitchen, and he'll dive into every crevasse in the couch.  The man can't fold a shirt to save his life, but boy can he make an apartment sparkle!

Hopefully, when we live together again as husband and wife, our skills will complement each other; I won't mind tidying up after him on a daily basis and he won't mind being in charge of regular deep cleans. In the meantime, I've caved and hired help for my apartment - cleaners came last Saturday afternoon and will be coming back once a month every month until Jon arrives.  In my defense, it's really hard to do a proper job with Charlie around, wanting to be entertained. Fingers crossed that we won't need professionals anymore once there are two of us here!  But who knows?  The one piece of advice that young wives with full-time jobs consistently give me about my impending marriage is to hire a cleaner occasionally!


*I'm really good about sending posts like this to Jon before I publish them to make sure he doesn't mind, but he hasn't seen this one yet.  It's okay, though, because I say nice things about him - right?  Eek.



24 comments:

  1. You and Jon sound almost exactly like Joe & I pre-expatriations. I used to detest scrubbing and Joe's idea of a productive Saturday of cleaning used to drive me nuts. Of course I appreciated the shiny bathrooms but it felt like such a waste of a weekend afternoon.
    These days, for obvious reasons, I'm the cleaner and the tidier and Joe seems to have forgotten his former self. I'm not going to lie - there's a bit of resentment on my part. I hate that i spend my time keeping our home up and within one evening, he's made a mess of everything. (Splatters on the bathroom mirror, crumbs on the kitchen floor, junk all over the coffee table, etc, etc.) I'm constantly asking him where his 'clean' side went.
    When we had a housekeeper in Gabon, there wasn't any resentment because the house was always clean and tidy and I wasn't picking up after him. I joke with him now that it was the best thing for our marriage ;)

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  2. That's it. I'm marrying Jon. I'm definitely more of a tidier than a cleaner, although I'm absolutely best at sorting- papers, closets, dvds, cabinets- in my house anything you can't see is probably the neatest.
    Our deal was that I would do bathrooms (which he hates the most) and Paul would do vacuuming (which I detest). We have had more fights over the vacuuming- or lack thereof- than I can list. And for some reason I get livid when I have to tidy after him. I don't know if it's because he just doesn't see it as a problem to leave socks all over the house and dvds on top of the console after he's watched them (as opposed to putting them away), or because he doesn't step up in another area of cleaning, but I refuse to be his maid. You guessed it- another fight.
    Neither of us care about make the bed, though. I do pull the covers up over the pillows to prevent too much dog-butt on them, but as for actually making it? That's too much of a struggle around the 12 legs who are usually lounging on it!

    I'm really jealous of your arrangement. Both with a cleaning service and with a cleaning partner.

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  3. Honestly, even if I didn't have a full time job I probably wouldn't do the cleaning. I hate it that much! and if Jon were home more he still wouldn't do the tidying. as long as we each do what we don't mind doing, we'll be fine! but if we don't... there will definitely be resentment. I'd rather sacrifice some fun things (dinners out, etc) to have money for an occasional cleaner if it means we don't simmer at each other! but if you manage to coax Joe's clean side back, let me know - I might need the tips :)

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  4. It IS difficult to really clean when you have a dog! I usually have to put my dog in her crate for a little bit if I want to get anything done. I tried to sweep the kitchen yesterday and succeeded only in putting together a pile of dirt for my dog to eat.

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  5. NO SORRY HE'S MINE. (and YES on the sorting - it's so cathartic!) I'm pretty sure this is in the top five fights for all couples. we're in good company! but I have to make the bed because it helps keep the sheets as white as possible with a black dog who likes to sleep on the bed :)

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  6. haha I bet she was thrilled :) Charlie can't STAND the vacuum, but he does stay wherever he's plonked when I swiffer. of course, having a dog helps when you drop things while cooking! "HEY CHARLIE, I SPILLED ON THE FLOOR. COME HELP ME."

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  7. Perhaps I should clarify - there wasn't any resentment on my side in Gabon but perhaps Christiana felt differently ;-)

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  8. Charlie seems like he is more mature than little Millie (she's only 5 months). She believes everything in the apartment is a toy she can play with at her leisure. But, you just can't help but love 'em!

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  10. I'm just like you. I like to organize and put things away, but deep cleaning gets on my nerves! Sometimes I wish I could just wave a magic wand and have everything be sparkling clean.

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  11. I am definitely tidy, but not clean. This is why it is worth it for us to have a cleaner every other week ;)

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  12. well if this isn't timley as hell! A and I just had a polite disagreement over the state of the apartment this weekend, stemming from the fact that I'm clean AND tidy and A is more tidy. He's clean, but not to the same anal level that I'm at. He's been great at helping me see that my free time doesn't need to be soaked up in making the apartment sparkle all the time and I've helped him implement little solutions around the house during daily life to keep the apartment clean longer. It's SO important to recognize this stuff, so you're seriously ahead of the game!

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  13. if you find that wand, can I borrow it sometimes?

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  14. oh God, you have kids! when we have kids I will sell my soul to have a cleaner EVERY DAY.

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  15. haha - I bet it was polite :P we've recognized it but we haven't solved it at all, so we just know that we're in the game! our polite disagreements are yet to come :)

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  16. ha I love this. I tend to be more tidy than clean I suppose. I love to organize but hate sweeping or vacuuming up.

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  17. My husband and I are like this, I keep the apartment as you said tidy during the week then on the weekends he gets all the deep down stuff done. It has worked for us over the last 5 years and the really only thing we will get annoyed with each other is taking out the trash, which I am staunchly holding onto that it is his job!

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  18. I'm in the exact same boat!! I am super tidy and will make sure everything looks organized and pretty. Actually, it is very organized. But I never think to clean until there is a visible layer of dust. And I mean a layer. I realized this morning the bathroom needs a scrub and all I could think was, "who can I hire for this?" I'm so proud of you for hiring someone. I think I should do the same!!

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  19. So, so unpolite. On my behalf only, of course :)

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  20. Why of course! As long as I'm not using it :)

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  21. WOW. That describes me and Nick down to a t! I'm like Jon. I like things to be in order, but I may or may not vacuum for 3 weeks sometimes. YUCK, I know, right? But you better believe my kitchen counter stays fairly empty and my bathroom sink is organized!

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  22. You guys are the perfect combo! Match made in Good Housekeeping heaven :)

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