Wedding Wednesday: Tradition Tradition

Given yesterday's post on faith, dear readers, and today's Wedding Wednesday topic of tradition, it's only appropriate that we start off here with some Fiddler on the Roof!  But, actually, let me first say thank you for participating in yesterday's discussion so wholeheartedly.  It's amazing to read everyone's thoughts on such a controversial and personal issue, and I especially love that some of you dove in and responded to other readers' comments - I am so encouraged by the conversation that this has sparked.  Originally, I was going to publish the follow-up "I Believe" post next Thursday, Maundy Thursday, in conjunction with Holy Week and Easter, but I want to keep the enthusiasm stoked and so it will appear tomorrow!  Make sure you check back, and please do share if you're comfortable.  As we think about our own spiritual uncertainty, it's interesting to remember, as Tevye says, "Because of our traditions, every one of us knows who he is and what God expects him to do..."

Jon and I are having a civil ceremony, which in the UK means that it can't include any religious aspects at all.  I'll talk more about that in a future Wedding Wednesday post, but it does make this topic of wedding traditions, which have different forms on either side of the pond, a bit easier to tackle!

Even though I sometimes feel that there's pressure on couples to be creative in a very specific way as they plan the aesthetic of their weddings - if you don't know what I'm talking about, check out this hilarious infographic - one of the current trends I love is the emphasis on making the ceremony personal and unique.  There are dozens of articles out there on how to blend cultures in a wedding ceremony, and, unless you're getting married in a strictly religious setting where you have to follow certain rules, it really does seem like anything goes.  Granted, my traditions aren't phenomenally different from Jon's, especially not when you take out the religious elements, but there are enough variations that we feel like we get to pick and choose those that work best for us!  This will actually take two weeks' worth of Wedding Wednesdays, so let's do this chronologically and work our way through the day starting with the ceremony:

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I'm definitely going to incorporate a few of the fun old-wifesey traditions - for instance, in America, the saying is "something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue" but, in England, they add "and a sixpence in your shoe!" at the end.  Jon's father tells me that they have a sixpence or two lying around the house, so I'm excited to include that.  Also, another expat bride told me that there's a British tradition of carrying a horseshoe (an ornamental one, obviously, since the real things are heavy!) for good luck.  I'm not sure I'll do that, but it's a sweet idea.

The first look is a purely American invention, though it has made its way to the UK along with many other traditions.  It's never been something that I wanted to do; the moment a groom sees his bride seems like such a magical thing to share with all those you love most dearly and, honestly, a truly spiritual moment that belongs in the ceremony.  Luckily, Jon had never heard of the first look before and isn't keen either.

British weddings are usually scheduled much earlier in the day than American weddings.  Of course you can have a morning wedding followed by a festive brunch or an afternoon wedding followed by a tea party, but wedding ceremonies in the UK are often in the early afternoon even when the wedding day includes dinner and dancing in the evening.  Jon's parents were surprised when I suggested a late afternoon ceremony and the registrar was as well when I called to make a 5pm reservation - in fact, you can't legally have a civil ceremony after 6pm in England!

In England, when all the guests are seated for the ceremony and the groom and his best men are standing up at the altar, the groom keeps his back to the room and only sees his bride when she arrives beside him.  (Remember the Royal Wedding back in 2011?  Watch the video - you can start at 4:30, but you'll see it specifically from 5:10 to 6:10.  Hold on a second, must get a tissue.  I tear up every time!)  Jon and I haven't discussed how this will happen, but in the US, the groom watches his bride process up the aisle towards him.

Also, speaking of processionals, the bride goes first in England, followed by her bridesmaids.  We'll be doing it American-style; I want to go last!  Our ceremony will be pretty short, so we'll also follow the American tradition of having our attendants stand with us for the whole thing.  In England, the bridesmaids and groomsmen usually sit with the guests after they process up the aisle.

We'll discuss the content of the ceremony - well, inasfar as I can share it without giving everything away - when I post about civil ceremonies in the UK, but next week we'll continue with more US/UK differences, focusing on the reception!  In the meantime, I know I have some readers out there who have been to (or participated in) transatlantic weddings - what differences have you noticed?