I was talking to a friend this morning, and she asked how my trip home had been. "Great," I said. "I didn't want to come back to London." Knowing how excited I am to enjoy my last month here and how sad I will be to leave, she didn't understand. I tried to explain that the next few weeks feel like filler - I don't know how else to put it, to be honest, but here goes:
It feels like life is on hold at the moment. It feels like this chapter has ended and I have to wait for the next chapter to begin. It feels like I'm paused on the brink and I want to jump but I have to take my place at the end of some metaphysical queue.
Does that make sense?
I am really excited about this last month in London and I will be sad to uproot what I've spent two years building. I'm also really excited to throw myself into a new phase of my life in DC and to explore new possibilities. What I need to realize is this: those two things are not mutually ecxlusive. Where I'm going is important, but so is where I am now. I should slow down; I shouldn't rush the journey.
The mantra is great...I think slowing down is such a great thing if you only have one month left. Savour the moments left...do you think you would move back to London after a short break at home or do you think home is where you want to stay?
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean- we move frequently (every 3-4 years with random shorter stop-offs) and the "in-between" can be such a frustrating, yet exhilarating time. I try to use those days/weeks/moments to not only do the last "before I leave" stuff, but I also try to do some random things, spontaneous, "last day alive" type things. Nothing reckless, but maybe buying that splurge item I've been eyeing, or going on an unexpected day out, or just sit, with a good friend, and talk about anything and everything EXCEPT leaving- then, at the last minute, have a good, long cry over all the things you've avoided talking about!
ReplyDeleteHave an amazing month- enjoy your vacation in your own life!
I think I do know what you mean. I always wish away time when I'm waiting for something new as I don't handle uncertainty that well. I am certainly not averse to change but I like it to get underway...I'm not good at waiting for it to start.
ReplyDeleteI hope you have a fabulous last month in London; enjoy it! And do as much as you can in the time you have left here; you'll be back in the States before you know it.