Monday, February 9, 2015

Jon's America III


It was said by George Bernard Shaw that the United States of America and Great Britain are two countries separated by a common language. He had a point, but arguably the more important wedge between our two nations is something far more substantial: chocolate.

I have to confess that I'm not instinctively a chocolate-lover - I'll take cheese any day (I've already documented my thoughts on the American cheese situation, so I won't go there again). But I like it, and I think I have a pretty solid idea of what the stuff should taste like. So I'm only going to say this once, because it needs to be said: objectively, Hershey's is garbage.

I know some of you are spluttering into your coffee in protest because that's your childhood I'm trampling all over, but you've been deceived by propaganda. A strangely universal reaction among foreigners trying the stuff for the first time is that it tastes like vomit, and there's a scientific basis for that - it contains butyric acid, which is the same component responsible for the aftertaste of throwing up.  (The more you know!)

The competition is, of course, the UK's Cadbury's (now owned by Kraft/Mondelez) with its iconic Dairy Milk bars - this is what I grew up with, and it's solid chocolate. Not exactly the best, put pretty good. You can get it here too, but with a twist... Hershey's have the license to make it right here in the USA! And while the top ingredient in the UK recipe is milk, here in the US it is... wait for it... sugar!

We expats don't ask for much in life, save a small sliver of home to nibble on once in a while as we gaze misty-eyed at pictures of Prince Charles. And so a few small, humble operations popped up offering British chocolate imports to expats for a small mark up. No big deal. Or at least it wasn't until last month, when the full weight of Hershey's corporate legal dept landed on them, saying they were in violation of Hershey's right to sell crap under the Cadbury name, and they had to stop at once or face the wroth of the Free World. And so, of course, they did. It's been all over the news in the past few months, but Hershey's just laughed off the bad publicity and (probably) kicked a puppy or two.

What really gets my goat about the whole debacle is that Hershey's didn't even bother to try and compete in terms of offering a better product. They just shut down competition they didn't like because they were bigger, and they could - and that's part of a larger trend in corporate culture that worries me. In the meantime, though, please don't think I hate all American food in general - quite the opposite. We went to Costco today, and that place is god's gift to your people. I'm currently staring at two vats of peanut butter and what appears to be a small sack of babybels, and all is right with the world.

13 comments:

  1. "We went to Costco today, and that place is god's gift to your people." That line might be my favourite in blogpost history. Although *hides face with shame* I don't thunk Hershey's is that bad. Perhaps it's just fond memories of s'mores and Hershey kisses

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  2. lol love this.. i wouldnt mind trying "real" cadbury eggs + dairy milk bars made with milk... although i love me some hershey kisses and hugs (gasp! white chocolate!) too. xo jillian - cornflake dreams

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  3. Costco is the better part of the American marketplace - brands can shut down competition and muscle it out, or they can just import it in bulk. And yes, we require at least two heavenly choirs on hand to sing when the doors of a new Costco are opened.

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  4. Hahaha, love it. Sorry about your chocolate woes! If you ever come to Canada we are swimming in British specialty shops that sell all your excellent, excellent candy goodness (and doctor who stuff, thank goodness)

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  5. Growing up in the US I never was a person to buy chocolate bars, Junior Mints sure but not big giant blocks of chocolate, now though in Sweden with real quality chocolate being sold I eat what most be surely pounds a year. Next time you two visit New York there is a Swedish candy store called Sockerbit which I suggest you try out and stock up and proper chocolates!

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  6. I don't say this often... but you have me literally laughing out loud.


    I don't really like chocolate at all, so I don't have much of an opinion on Hershey's.

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  7. the number of times Jon said "we'd be losing money if we didn't buy this" at Costco was incredible. ha!

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  8. ah! I can't do white chocolate - no matter how high quality! I will rarely turn down a Kiss though :)

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  9. ooooh yum. maybe we should take our next flight to London via Toronto with a long layover so we can come explore!

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  10. I am so with Jon on this one! Cadbury's will always reign superior over all other chocolate! I fell into the expat trap last year and bought some mini eggs - I quickly realized the good Cadbury's stuff wasn't inside!! I'm hoping a nice care package may arrive in the post just before Easter...! x

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