Thursday, August 8, 2013

On Getting Married



Notes: there is some mild cursing in this video. I do not speak in [expletive]s.  Also, the earrings I'm wearing here were bought at Lou Lou to be my wedding earrings, but then Jon's mother gave me a beautiful - and more subtle - pair and I'll be going with those on the day instead.  I still love these though!  And hello, frizzies!  So nice to see you.

Otherwise, I think this vlog speaks for itself; please do reassure me in the comments that this is a normal way to feel!  I mean... it is, right?

P.S. did you enter my giveaway yesterday? Everyone's loving the options in CIAOnina's shops!

52 comments:

  1. I loved this! You are DEFINITELY in the normal range of things. I had the same feelings only it was a much smaller scale because our wedding was more like a weekend trip than an actual wedding. Regardless of the circumstances, it doesn't change that feeling of...

    HOLY S#!t!!! I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I am so excited for you and I can't wait to see pictures and your posts about the entire experience! I have loved following along on your process. So much of it is familiar from when we started planning our wedding but so very different than how it turned out for us. Nonetheless it is an amazing feeling to be married to your best friend and true love. Enjoy it :)

    xoxohannah

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  2. You're so cute. And feeling this way is 100% normal - I promise. At least, if how I felt leading up to our wedding was normal? ;) Even though Thomas and I had only been together for a fraction of the time that you and Jon have, I too felt like nothing was really going to change when we got married. And in most ways I was right! Life keeps going, you still wake up the next morning and need breakfast and stub your toe getting out of bed and all of those perfectly normal life things.


    But I was also kind of wrong. I don't know if it's the high of the wedding, the buzz of all your friends + family celebrating you + your man, something deep and Universal and spiritual...Or maybe it's none of those things. But when you get married, SOMETHING changes. It's small + it's big at the same time. It's kind of like the purest joy you could ever feel - and it's awesome.


    I can't wait for you to get married! You're going to be an awesome wife, you're going to love having a husband, and I can't wait to see pictures and hear stories. xoxoxoxo

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  3. I feel a lot of your feelings. You're such a smart lady. I feel like you in that it won't change our relationship, but it freaks me out that I'm going to be a 'married woman'.

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  4. I am feeling the EXACT same way right now! I haven't told many people, but we're going to the courthouse on the 27th--- so holy shit we're getting married in two and half weeks too! I'm at the same point as you, in which we both feel that getting married doesn't change anything in terms of where were are in our relationship. I mean, honestly, we've been together for 9 years, living together for 6, bought a house together, have pets together, take on certain responsibilities and roles, etc. If anything is just feels like it's becoming official. Andrew came home on Monday with our marriage license and I had that same "holy shit!" reaction, so yes, I do believe that's a completely normal feeling! :)

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  5. It took me 6 months to get used to saying "fiancé" and I still sometimes call Jon my boyfriend because it just feels less... pretentious in a way? I don't know. But HUSBAND? kjdsjhdghgfsdysatteqwe3. That's what I have to say about that.

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  6. WHERE ARE THE LEMONS


    I had a dream that I showed up to my wedding and hadn't bought a dress yet. Woops! So I just wore the first thing I found in my closet.


    It is a big thing! Congratulations! I can't wait to hear all about it.

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  7. Everytime I see you on camera, it just makes me like you even more! You are just....... ah! So awesome. Alsooo - I laughed hysterically at the lemon part... I remember those nightmares all too well. (From forgetting to buy a dress, to forgetting to get a marriage license! even forgetting to brush my hair right before walking down the aisle... I'd wake up in a mad panic! Hahaha)
    I can't wait for the big reveal in a couple weeks time :)
    Then you will be a WIFE. So cool ;)

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  8. IT WAS REALLY SCARY. WE NEEDED THE LEMONS.

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  9. holy [expletive]. I will be a WIFE. Am I old enough to be a wife?

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  10. eeee that's so exciting! even though the day to day won't change - for you guys certainly - it's still a WHOA thing :)

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  11. Holy Shit!


    You even make me a little giddy with this video!


    (In response to another comment below - sometimes, I still get little flutters when I hear Joe call me his wife and we've been married close to 3 years now. Also, a few months back I once randomly referred to him as my boyfriend. So weird!)

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  12. oh no - I'm sure that something deep inside changes - after all, if it didn't, we wouldn't need to alter our status by getting married! but it's just so TIME for the change that it feels natural. at least, it feels natural until OH MYGOD I'M GOING TO HAVE A HUSBAND hits! eeeeeee :)

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  13. Ahh I know that feeling, and the crazy dreams! I guess for any big thing that happens in life there's this moment where it suddenly hits really hard, and you realise the immensity of the thing - I sort of had to calm myself down and be like "not all that much is going to be different" because I had this crazy feeling like life was going to be flipped upside down. But, although some things do change, I remember as we drove away after the wedding, we looked at each other and were like "are we really married? Did that just happen? Did we do it right?"
    Anyway, bright side is that you're having a mini-freak-out now, not at the alter ;) enjoy the count-down!!!

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  14. Totally normal :) And you'll be so glad after all the fuss is over and you guys can just look at each other and say "wow, we're married" :)

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  15. haha good! I'm glad to be normally freaking out :P


    and YAY thank you! it's so much fun to have you all along for the ride - THANK YOU!

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  16. hahaha giddy is the right word! I'm pretty sure I'll be telling Jon he's my husband every five minutes on our mhoneymoon: "You're my husband. Did you know that? We got married, and now I'm your wife." Every five minutes. He's totally going to regret having gotten married :P

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  17. haha we did that after we got engaged! "wait, did that just happen?" woo :)

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  18. HAHA did we do it right - I'm so going to wonder that. "Did I say something wrong? Did we do something wrong? Are you sure that was legal? Did it really count?"

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  19. we still do that regularly... wait "are we married?" haha

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  20. Exactly! Ours was legal from the day before, but the ceremony was really the official thing of being married in the eyes of God... so it was like, that counted, right? Like, we legitimately prayed and God heard? hahaha... it was so silly and confusing!

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  21. Lindsay @ Trial By SapphireAugust 8, 2013 at 11:33 AM

    All that matters is that it's really fun and so full of love. :)

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  22. Haha I loved this vlog! HOLY SHIT! So exciting though, I am so excited for you! Such giddyness and happiness. How is Jon feeling?!

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  23. I totally had this conversation with a friend the other day, I was like, I feel old enough to be engaged and but A WIFE sounds so OLD hahaha!

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  24. Ahhhh!!!!I loved this! You are too sweet! You're going to have such an amazing time. You're so excited already that literally nothing will be able to ruin your day! :) xx

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  25. You can get married without the lemons! Unless the lemons are subconsciously Jon, in which case...they're pretty crucial. There were lemons (in many forms) missing at the last minute at our wedding, and it was still a big, fun, floofy party that was amazing. And it was only heightened by the "Holy shit!" feeling of it all. The adrenaline is part of makes it feel so huge! And fun! You'll have the best day, I'm sure of it. Yay!!

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  26. Love you reaction at 3:20 haha!! We're August brides, I'm getting married next week!!

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  27. "i have all the feelings".. Betsy I feel like that A LOT and have nothing as big as a wedding going on, so I would say you're fine! :) haha

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  28. I like this lemon metaphor game... unless the lemons are Jon, which would be a problem.

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  29. haha I just skipped to 3:15 to watch the moment you said and it startled Charlie! have fun next week :)

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  30. I think it's totally normal! Getting married is indeed a HUGE thing, and it's natural to have a big reaction to it right now. At the same time, as you said, it might not drastically change things for you, other than the obvious of now having a husband and all of the legality that comes from marriage. When people asked me what marriage was like right after our wedding, I had to laugh and say that it was exactly the same as living with my boyfriend/fiance for the past X years. Because honestly, it was. There was no discovery period of "Oh, you get up really early" or "Why doesn't this guy ever clean up after himself?" because we had already shared our lives together for so long. But if I'm being honest, there were also differences, like the giddiness we shared of having taken this big step and of the gravity that comes from committing ourselves to each other, even if we were already committed to each other before. In sum, it's normal to have all of the feelings! :) The show will go on, with or without lemons.

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  31. The thing that surprised me about my relationship after I got married was how much more a part of a team I felt. It was weird, we were a team before, but then suddenly it felt like we were an even tighter unit. It's a cool feeing.

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  32. I think he's more calm than I am... or he's being strong while I freak out! haha

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  33. no but really... why DOESN'T he clean up after himself? HOW HARD IS IT TO MAKE SURE YOUR DIRTY SHIRTS END UP IN THE HAMPER? jeez.

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  34. Georgia ChristakisAugust 9, 2013 at 8:13 AM

    I am not married, nor am I engaged. But I think in your position I'd feel the exact same way, and I'm with someone who I love completely and want to marry at some point too!


    That being said, I think it might be a little to rigid to say that you don't think marriage will change you. Hopefully those changes are for the best, of course, but I think in marriage the switch is from putting yourself first more often than not to incorporating your SO's feelings more than you have in the past, even if you already do this to some degree. Just my thoughts. :)


    Sending you lots of good vibes, well wishes and prayers from Florida! I hope you have a wonderful wedding and many happy years of marriage, Betsy. All the best.

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  35. no, you're right - of COURSE it will change things. But I think that because we've been essentially living as man and wife since 2011 (except for this whole long distance thing starting in June 2012...) the changes aren't so tangible. I can't even comprehend the internal shift that come with saying the vows, you know?


    and YAY thank you :)

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  36. I really enjoyed watching this and hearing your thoughts. I think I want it to be like that before I get married too: where we are, in many ways, already married in spirit and just kind of going through the commitment ceremony for that -- as a ceremony. And there are things that are changed when you legally enforce and bind your commitment and speak it in front of other people, but still, I think it's good to go into it being like, "If nothing changes and we're like this, then I am happy." I think a lot of people think that marriage will change (aka "fix") their relationship or act as some magic pixie dust for all of the issues, and oh boy, is that not true (from what I've experienced second-hand, of course, haha).

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  37. I wanted to tack onto this one with Sara because I completely and totally agree. It's a good thing.


    Oh the nightmares! So fun right? ;) I think I felt the same way you did. I was so excited to get married and had zero qualms about that, but it was all the little things that kept me up at night (or in my dreams). Wanting everything to go smoothly and all the details you plan for so long to be right.



    I can't believe your day is so close!! Yay!!

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  38. So exciting!!!! If I were in your position I'm pretty sure I'd feel the same way. Heck, I still can't believe it when people I went to school with get married haha. It's like marriage seems like such a grown up thing and I feel far from a grown up lol.

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  39. This is so great!! I never really thought about it, but the natural next step in feeling like being married won't change me is exactly how I feel too!!

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  40. We're with you. We were already committed, and the wedding was just a big party we threw to celebrate it. The biggest change we saw was that all the married couples around us stopped treating us like we were just playing house.

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  41. Oh Betsy you know I'm going to be looking out for lemons just everywhere now. I have literally no idea what lemons have to do with getting married (for G&Ts maybe?) but I really hope you get some. Let me know if you want me and James to bring lemons (or fruit of any kind) from Manchester because it feels like the least we can do.


    Your excitement is so infectious that I'm sitting at my desk at work getting excited on your behalf and I haven't even met you yet!

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  42. I totally agree! In a way, a wedding is a symbolic thing for us - we won't be more committed to each other on August 25 than we were on August 23, you know? at least that's how I feel today!

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  43. I KNOW! I'm old enough to be engaged, like Beth said below, but a wife? WHOA NELLY.

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  44. please bring extra lemons. Jon's G&T will use limes I think but my American cocktail needs lemons and without the lemons we will not get married.


    and YAY I'm so looking forward to meeting you!

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  45. I guess it's one of those things you have to be on the other side to understand, but I'm sure there's something that comes along with committing in front of other people, with having legal ramifications/benefits for your relationship, and just the mental shift that comes with -- okay, this person is my life partner. And even if you thought that before, leaving still could have been very easy. Just one step out the door, and bam, done. There's something about saying it, about committing to it and having consequences, that just does something... I'm not sure what that something is, as I am on the other side, but... I know this: I signed a lease for my apartment and I knew I could break it, but had it been month-to-month, I probably still wouldn't live here. Because I was so up and down, didn't know what I wanted, all that stuff. But now I am glad I am here and had to uphold the commitment because I feel like this is where I need to be and I'm meant to be. Maybe marriage is a bit like that... it's kind of the thing that keeps you in one place when ordinarily you would float off like a balloon? And sometimes -- a lot of times in life -- you need that. (And that's not to say that if I still didn't want to be here or it was awful that I couldn't get up and go or deal with the consequences of breaking the lease, but it made me really think about my decision to go, what it would mean, etc.)


    Anyway, this has been a novel, haha!

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  46. An excellent vlog; thank you, Betsy, for sharing your thoughts on how it felt "right" to get married at this moment in time.



    I loved the part about the lemons, too! Lemons are awesome! :D

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