Love Languages

A friend recently advised me that if you and your significant other have big (and reoccurring) fights about serious issues, your relationship probably won't last; if you only argue about things that don't really matter, you're almost certainly good for the long haul.

I hope she's right, because Jon and I discuss our differences with respect and love when we don't agree on the major questions, but we have the most absurd tiffs over the stupidest things.  Case in point: when I was in London the other week, I told Jon that sometimes I just want him to say sorry to me even if he doesn't mean it and he responded by declaring (quite rightly) that he didn't want to offer insincere apologies because then I wouldn't ever be able to trust him and so I called him a jerk.

Classy, right?  What a lucky man he is to have me...

A few months ago, I took the 5 Love Languages test.  Honestly, I thought the whole thing was hooey when I first heard about it, but it's been pretty clear since our honeymoon period ended that Jon and I don't always speak the same language when it comes to love.  We love each other very much, of course, but we have different ways showing it - and different ways that we want to be shown.

The idea is that there are five primary ways to love and be loved: through Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.  Jon didn't actually take the full test so I'm not 100% sure what his results would be (though I can make an educated guess based on how he shows me his love and what he asks for from me).  But I can still learn a lot about our relationship by identifying my love languages, so here goes.  In order of importance to me, we have:

Acts of Service

Quality Time

Words of Affirmation / Physical Touch (tie)

Receiving Gifts

Jon knows that I'm writing this post and he asked that I not share my thoughts on his love languages with you.  I will say that his are not even close to being in the same order as mine, so we definitely do have to work on this.  But, as Ben Affleck said in his acceptance speech at the 2013 Academy Awards, "It's good. It is work, but it's the best kind of work.  And there's no one I'd rather work with."

As we head into the last month before Jon and I get married, I'd love to hear from all of you who have been in relationships - romantic and otherwise - that took work.  Have you taken the 5 Love Languages test?  Are yours the same as your partners?  And, if not, how do you compromise?  Give me your wisdom, dear readers!