Wedding Wednesday: Civil Marriage

Originally, I was going to wrap up my Wedding Wednesday posts on different wedding US/UK traditions today, but I got quite a few questions about British civil ceremonies and I thought I might take the opportunity to explain further!  But first, I don't think it's appropriate to write any post about marriage ceremonies this week without broadcasting my support for the two currently cases before the Supreme Court:

via*

On last week's post, Meghan, an American in England with a British beau, commented, "With regards to the civil ceremony I was surprised, and a bit refreshed, about the lack of religious implication about a wedding."  I'd heard rumors about the church/state division in British weddings before beginning to plan my own wedding but have only been to one civil ceremony in the England (and that was when I was 10), so I was thrown by the total lack of flexibility.  Here's what uk.gov says:

Civil ceremonies can include readings, songs or music,
but must not include anything that’s religious - eg hymns or readings from the Bible.

Apparently, this isn't a prohibition on the part of the State; it's the Church getting territorial.  Regardless of whether or not that's true, it definitely forced Jon and me to rethink our wedding ceremony.  There were some aspects of both our faiths that we wanted to include in the ceremony; we had envisioned biblical readings, certainly, but also wanted to incorporate some rituals like the smashing of the glass that simply aren't an option in a civil ceremony in England.  

When you have a civil ceremony, you have to get everything approved by the registrar assigned to you to make sure there isn't even a hint of religion.  We don't have our license yet because of timing complications but we have had one piece of music approved by the registrar office already - Jon had to do some serious research on it before he called and then used his best powers of persuasion to convince the office that it wasn't a religious piece even though it was written by a composer best known for his religious music!  (This is true, by the way; we weren't tricking them.  It's just funny to me how the process works.)  The whole thing is so secular, in fact, that you don't even have to say any vows.  There's some formal wording that must be included for legal reasons, but anything else you want to say during the ceremony must be discussed with the registrar beforehand.

You've probably guessed by now that, if you are having a civil ceremony, you have to be married by the registrar assigned to you.  There isn't an option whereby a friend, no matter how official, can serve as your officiant if you want a legal civil ceremony in England.  In addition to that, you can only have a civil service in a register office or indoors at an approved venue, which doesn't include any building that has ever had a religious affiliation.  (I would have loved to get married in an old decommissioned church, but alas!)  Based on when and where we're getting married, Jon and I will be paying about £500 for the privilege of a civil ceremony on top of the venue fees.

The whole thing does feel a bit limiting and can be quite frustrating at times.  Jon and I have found some readings that we love that don't come from a specific faith but that contain spiritual themes, and we're pretty confident that it's not even worth mentioning them to the registrar - though we might try anyway!  But every time I get discouraged, I remember what's important: we love each other and we'll soon be legally recognized as married.  Not everyone is so lucky right now, but I hope that one day we all will have that opportunity.

via

*I couldn't find the source of this image; if you know, please do tell me so I can credit it properly!  Even though I am being quite militant about cleaning up my pins and posts, this simply had to be shared. (Update: thank you to Kate for passing this along!)