Today's post is going to be pretty short, though I definitely welcome any comments you may have on the subject: since it's the season for giving, I want to talk just for a second about wedding presents. Last week you all helped me with my transatlantic considerations, and we agreed that RSVPing yes to a destination wedding is a major commitment of time, energy, and money. Jon and I are, obviously, incredibly aware of how much all of our guests - and especially the Americans - will be spending to join us, and we're beyond touched by everyone's generosity.
We did create a registry, but this is the language that, after many conversations, we decided to use on our wedding website:
I did a lot of research on different wedding websites before we published this. Interestingly enough, none of the "experts" had any insight about this concern; all of the suggestions I found were on message boards, which I generally try to stay away from. (There are some crazy women on those forums... beware! And to the guy who wrote in to the New York Times with the second question here: I understand where you're coming from, but your second paragraph makes you an ass.) We took our favorite phrases from a few different places, and cobbled them together into the above. I'm not going to say no if someone wants to give us a KitchenAid mixer, of course, but we really do hope that our guests understand that, in this case, our present truly is their presence!
We did have tons o' fun when Jon came to DC for Thanskgiving and we spent an afternoon in Crate and Barrel with a scanner, but that's a story for another post!
Ha, it's a tricky issue! I think what you have said is perfectly fine and I am sure your guests know you well enough to know that you wouldn't expect a gift as it's a destination wedding - as I am sure some couples would haha!
ReplyDeleteAlso - love the new blog header!
I really like that! Alex and I aren't registering anywhere and we are trying to do a little rhyme/poem similar to yours. We are trying not to sound like complete asses but what we really need is money (As you know, visas are EXPENSIVE!) but every time people ask we're just like uhhh ummmm ermmmmm..... We don't need anything for the house. I feel guilty, because like you said, their presence is a gift of its own! But gifts are inevitable... anddd I sound like an ass just saying that....
ReplyDelete(love the new look btw! Adorable!)
I had already been starting to worry about the gift subject... since we will also have people travelling internationally to join us. I love the wording you ended up choosing... I may just have to copy you :)
ReplyDeletexxx
Jenna
Love your phrasing! :) I think it's so wise to acknowledge that people are making a fianancial gift by being present...and I love that you did it so gracefully! When I was a poor college student with friends getting hitched, by the time I laid out cash for travel (gas or plane tickets), shower gifts, bachelorette party money and the cost of bridesmaid dresses...I was financially wiped. No one ever worded it this softly, so I always felt embarrassed to show up empty handed.
ReplyDeleteBut, for those who can afford a gift, registries are SUCH a blessing. Gabe and I got married in a non-traditional manner (surprise wedding planned in 8 weeks), so we didn't register and there were no gifts...sometimes I feel like I missed out a bit on that experience!
So happy you and Jon got to register, and that you found a really kind way to tell people how they can help you start your home together!
(And I hope you get that mixer!) ;)
thank you and thank you!
ReplyDeleteoh man, there is definitely some craziness going on out there on wedding message boards. when i first got engaged, i read them a lot, but as time went on, i found they stressed me out more than anything. i DID learn a lot from the etiquette boards, though, so i can't downplay their helpfulness too much. i think the phrasing y'all chose is perfect - & i think your guests will really appreciate it. and isn't creating a registry the most fun ever?! justin & i had such a great time in bed, bath, & beyond! :)
ReplyDeleteah so this IS discussed in places! most of the websites say to use your families as your registry - that is to say, have them tell people that you just want cash. it's a bit softer that way!
ReplyDelete(and thank you!)
please do! I did try to include "your presence is our present" in the website copy but Jon vetoed that. LAME!
ReplyDeletewhy thank you! it's always awkward to talk about money, but we don't want people to feel like attending our wedding is a financial burden they can't shoulder. at the same time... maybe someone out there has a mixer going spare? haha!
ReplyDeleteit does make sense - people to go the boards when they have problems, had problems, or are scaremongerers! the etiquette ones especially remind me to count my blessings - there are so many things we DON'T have to deal with! and thank you :)
ReplyDeleteSince we got married at the end of college, we registered at Target, Williams-Sonoma, and Crate and Barrel. This way our friends could hit up Target for a $10/$15 gift but our parents' friends could go the nicer route to C & B or W-S. Honestly, we didn't care if people gave us gifts, the celebration was what was important, and not all of our friends did (but others told us they appreciated the lower-scale gift options!), but now, 7.5 years later, it's still pretty fun to remember who gave us whatever I'm using at the moment, and think of them. It's an awfully nice perk to having a waffle iron :)
ReplyDeleteOh, and the way you phrased your statement is PERFECT!
ReplyDeletethank you! Jon and I had some serious back-and-forth about it, but I'm pleased in the end. We did think about doing Target too (LOVE Targé) but we made sure to put plenty of more affordable options on the C&B list!
ReplyDeleteI struggled with this, too. I hate to "ask" for gifts. And, about the forums. Geezzz. There really are some.. very passionate ladies in there :)
ReplyDeleteRegistries are always a touchy subject, but I think you dealt with it perfectly. I think the problems arise when people include wording in their invitation that implies that a gift is expected, which happens all too often. Many people don't want to show up to a wedding empty handed, and they'll appreciate you putting together a registry. Going with your fiance with that scanning gun is a wedding rite of passage anyway ;) xoxo
ReplyDeletei love that! it's so considerate of yo to offer an "out" for those who may not be able to afford it. very classy :)
ReplyDeletedo people really include the wording in their INVITATIONS? I thought that was a total no-no!
ReplyDeletehaha yes, a good place to go if you ever need some dramz in your life :)
ReplyDeleteHello! Just found your blog from explore.dream.discover! I am also from DC and just moved up to NYC last year. I loved reading through your blog and am your newest follower :)
ReplyDeleteP.S. Congratulations on your impending nuptials! I went to 6 different weddings this past year, one of which was a destination wedding. It was pretty expensive but well worth it. I think it's great that you acknowledged the financial commitment guests make when they RSVP to weddings! :)
yay hello! welcome :)
ReplyDeleteI'm one of my first friends to get married, so we haven't yet hit the crazy wedding years, but I can imagine how it all adds up even if the celebrations are relatively local. yikes!
I think the way you worded that was absolutely perfect! I love that you took that into consideration. So sweet!
ReplyDeleteTip to not spend money attending others' weddings is to emigrate! (Seriously though, I missed two weddings this year I'd loved to have been able to attend).
ReplyDeleteYour wording is bang on and very gracious. We were very careful with our wording too, especially as we were split between two countries.
You are so eleoquent in your registry/website! I love this and it sounds like you're doing everything right :)
ReplyDeleteWow! you look lovely and sweet. I noticed that all of your gift is the in colour how wonderful to the eyes.
ReplyDeleteCongratulation to both of you. Wish you a happiness of all the time. Wish you both strong in facing the marriage world. Good luck.
A webmaster of wedding gifts