October's Mantra

Happy October, dear readers!  I was about to tell you how I'm looking forward to a quiet month, but actually the diary is looking just as busy as it was before - it's only seems calm because we've settled into our autumn routines.  There are two trips planned for October, one to New York next weekend (more on that on Thursday, so stay tuned) and another to Boston at the end of the month, plus a photoshoot with Charlie in Annapolis courtesy of the lovely Lauren and a few work events scattered throughout.  But, even though there's a lot going on this month, I'm determined to be more intentional with my time - and with the choices I make about how I spend that time.

I've been thinking about this recently and had actually scheduled a post about it for next week but then my friend Megan blogged about it today and so I was inspired.  (Thanks, lady! Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, you know.)

When Megan posted this quote, she was talking about motivation for running.  I definitely agree, but I think it's applicable to everything in life.  We make choices all the time, for big things and small.  Do I catch up on one more blog, or do I take the dog for a walk right now?  Do I stay late at the office to finish this assignment, or do I go home to have dinner with my boyfriend?  Do I meet that friend for brunch, or do I text to cancel because I'm fragile from the night before?  We prioritize constantly, whether we realize it or not, and, almost without exception, the decision to find a way or find an excuse affects our relationships.

My amazing therapist in college told me something about relationships that has stuck with me: she said that I needed to stop making excuses for people because they were making plenty for themselves.  We were talking about an ex who was being really manipulative (yes, that one) and he kept coming up with  reasons to explain his behavior - and I kept accepting his excuses and even excusing him without prompting.  My therapist said that if he wanted to follow through on his commitments to me, he would. It was that simple.  If you want to be in a relationship with someone, you make it happen.

And I think that this is true for every relationship you have - with your significant other, with your family, with your friends, and, above all, with yourself.  There's nothing wrong with realizing that something isn't a priority or that, when it comes time to make a decision, you choose not-that-thing.  But you have to own it.

If it's important to you to get healthy, you'll find a way.  If you pick the Law & Order marathon and a family-sized bag of chips over a run, fine.  If it's important to you to reconnect with an old friend, you'll find a way.  If you chose to sleep in rather than make that coffee date, fine.  If it's important to you to spend quality time with your boyfriend, you'll find a way.  If you decide to have one more drink with your girlfriends instead of coming home at a reasonable hour, fine.

But these are all excuses.  If something is important to you, you'll find a way.