tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2442709270787168376.post442070052623103392..comments2023-12-24T08:02:36.605-05:00Comments on Betsy Transatlantically: Wedding Wednesday: Belle ViergeBetsy Transatlanticallyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04953626122327472245noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2442709270787168376.post-80757925339823796152013-09-20T10:36:54.392-04:002013-09-20T10:36:54.392-04:00What a cute idea!!What a cute idea!!Mary Krulianoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2442709270787168376.post-29678486872142882692013-09-20T10:36:26.439-04:002013-09-20T10:36:26.439-04:00Very smart post! Thank you so much!Very smart post! Thank you so much!Mary Krulianoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2442709270787168376.post-78280580570640548592013-09-18T23:24:44.042-04:002013-09-18T23:24:44.042-04:00I think it's great that some men reached out t...I think it's great that some men reached out to you privately! It is more difficult for them to take their wives' names, which I think is a shame. All the reasons women might want to take their husband's name can be equally valid for men.Belle Viergehttp://www.findingmyvirginity.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2442709270787168376.post-43347681960150564162013-09-18T23:23:19.681-04:002013-09-18T23:23:19.681-04:00I love the creative ways people can incorporate ma...I love the creative ways people can incorporate maiden names. I think my mom's maiden name would be a really great first name for a boy.Belle Viergehttp://www.findingmyvirginity.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2442709270787168376.post-25969481981649586762013-09-18T22:13:52.453-04:002013-09-18T22:13:52.453-04:00Awesome post! I wouldn't expect anything less ...Awesome post! I wouldn't expect anything less on this blog. :) I think this is such an interesting issue, and Belle did a great job discussing it. I didn't change my name when the hubs and I got married for so many reasons... I don't like the idea of having to change my name to show our unity (don't other things show our unity in more meaningful ways?), I didn't like the idea of losing a name that signifies my cultural heritage, and so on. Ultimately, my name is my name, and I can't imagine not having it! I love my surname, and altering it or dropping it would just feel too painful and wrong. I sometimes borrow the hubs' surname for The Internetz to have more anonymity, but I always giggle a little when I do it because it feels like I'm playing dress-up or something. Overall, as it seems we agree, this is a choice that is going to be different for each person, and that's cool. Go, women! :)Sarah // The Quixotic Chicahttp://thequixoticchica.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2442709270787168376.post-84981176587415979932013-09-18T17:44:37.513-04:002013-09-18T17:44:37.513-04:00I tried not to cover too many points since it was ...I tried not to cover too many points since it was just one blog post, but heteronormativity is definitely a potential issue with both the name change and marriage. I read an article ages ago about how same-sex couples are actually breaking ground for male-female couples in a lot of ways because they don't have tradition to fall back on. Like you said, you came up with some crazy solutions! Being forced to think outside of the box can be a good thing. I look forward to your expanded thoughts on this. :) I used to think hyphenation would be my plan, so the whole family could share one last name, but I don't like the way Beau's and my last names sound next to each other! There went that idea...<br /><br />I like that you brought up heteronormative assimilation. It reminds me of the amazing conversations I had in undergrad with two friends of mine, a lesbian couple. They were the ones who introduced me to the reclaiming of certain words, like butch and dyke, and also, like you mentioned, the debate between rejecting heteronormative patterns and finding freedom/happiness in conforming. They largely chose the latter because as individuals, one expressed gender in traditionally "feminine" ways and the other in more androgynous ways, and being themselves was more important than making a statement.<br /><br />I love your final comment, which Betsy already tweeted. Yes yes yes! That is absolutely the goal of feminist conversations, and I love having them with you. :DBelle Viergehttp://www.findingmyvirginity.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2442709270787168376.post-80999393292763016162013-09-18T11:13:07.443-04:002013-09-18T11:13:07.443-04:00"Taking a husband's last name is only a g..."Taking a husband's last name is only a genuine choice if a woman is unafraid of keeping her maiden name." YES! It was hard to change my name because I'd spent twelve years establishing a career and a professional reputation under my name, but it was just the right thing for me and for us for reasons that I could write a 1000 word comment on. For everyone else, I support whatever they want me to do, just drop me a little announcement card or email so that I know how to address my postcards. <br /><br />On a side note, I wrote a post a while back on whether or not to change your name, and the procedures for changing your name, and I got some of the sweetest thank you emails ever from men who were looking to change their last names to take their wives'. I thought that was all kinds of awesome, but I also totally understand why they emailed me instead of commenting publicly.<br /><br /><br /><br />For anyone who has a problem with someone making a decision, whatever decision they make, mind your business. Them making a decision doesn't automatically mean you have to do things the same way.kcsalingnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2442709270787168376.post-1450777208604389532013-09-18T10:53:16.323-04:002013-09-18T10:53:16.323-04:00This was such a wonderful, well written post! I de...This was such a wonderful, well written post! I debated about keeping my maiden name, because I was very attached to it, but in the end I made the decision to take my husband's name--not because I was bullied into it, or because that was the norm, but because it was important to me to symbolize our unity and the step we were taking to spend our lives together. Luckily for me, my husband was on board with whatever decision I was going to make, and we will be using my maiden name as the first name of our first born child, whether it's a boy or girl.Katehttp://www.thoroughlymodernblog.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2442709270787168376.post-11955152529675582192013-09-18T10:13:06.791-04:002013-09-18T10:13:06.791-04:00Belle, I love this (and your other post, as I alre...Belle, I love this (and your other post, as I already said!) My finacee and I started talking about what we might do with our names even before we were engaged, since it's not super clear cut when two ladies are involved. We could just hyphenate, except that my last name is already hyphenated. I came up with some crazy solutions while brainstorming that I'll probably save for a blog post someday, since it means clearing some details with my family. Suffice to say, I think the feminist action involved in the name change question is simply thinking critically about it, and not doing anything simply because society expects it.<br />The comment I wanted to write last night was regarding marriage itself, and how the decision to get married can feel whole lot like the way you explain changing your name in this post-- it's irrevocably buying into a patriarchal system. I know some people for whom marriage (especially for queer people) signifies assimilation into heteronormative/patriarchal/capitalist society. I am by no means the most moderate of people, but I do want to get married, mostly because my partner and I are both religious. Which means we're often feel stuck between two communities that each place us on the defensive about our decision, for very different reasons.<br />In the end, it makes us that much surer that the decisions we make are right for us. And I think(/hope) that can be the goal of feminist conversations: self-examination of our own actions, as much as trying to change the world in a big, abstract way.runawayhttp://www.little-histories.com/noreply@blogger.com