A Suffolk Whirl

Bright and early Monday morning, Jon and I set off from north London to Liverpool Street Station to meet my parents for our train to Suffolk to join my future in-laws.  Okay, it wasn't early for most people - in fact, we caught the height of the morning rush hour - but we were on holiday!  We were also on a mission, though, so off we went, chugging east towards the North Sea.

Honestly, most of our time in Suffolk was taken up with wedding things, and I don't want to spoil the next few weeks of Wedding Wednesdays by writing about all of it here.  (Sneak peek: tomorrow will be the new florist, next week I'll post about the tasting lunch we had with the caterer, on the 15th I'll give you some hints about my dress and on the 22nd you'll hear about my exploration into the fabulous world of bridal headpieces, and the last Wednesday in May will be for a discussion of wedding drinks.)  But beyond the appointments and plans, it was wonderful to simply be with Jon and to see our parents getting to know each other better.  They'd met before, in September 2010, when Mom and Dad came to visit me in London and we then spent a weekend in Suffolk, but Jon and I had only been together for two years at that point; now we're engaged, and I really felt like we all started to be a family last week.  Jon's sister Ellie even came down from London one night to join us for dinner!

I'll share my photos with you from our whirlwind few days in Suffolk - believe it or not, I took many more than I Instagrammed! - but quickly, first, let me introduce you to the county.  Suffolk, with its 45 miles of coastline on the North Sea to the east and acres of rolling countryside to the west, includes the best of all of England.  I know I'm biased, but it's true!  It has pebbled beaches, lively marshland and quiet heath, whispering forests and waving fields as far as the eye can see, plus classic English wildlife - pheasants, rabbits, deer - straight out of a country cookbook.  Some of the towns were founded by the Vikings and you seem to stumble on a medieval church or castle at every turn.  This is where the romantic painter John Constable painted many of his most famous works, inspired by the generous land.  It's the England where Jon grew up and it's the England I know best outside of London, and I can't imagine getting married anywhere else.  You can learn more about Suffolk here and here - but here's how I explore it:

linking up with Helen in between for Travel Tuesdays 

A Sunday in London

Okay, dear readers, let's start the England recap!  We begin in London on Sunday - well, no, actually, let's back up to Saturday first.  Mom had a conference in London two weeks ago, so Dad and I flew over to join her on Saturday morning.  For the record, I got home from the ball at 2am and we left the house at 6:30am to head to Dulles; I didn't feel too bad for the first few hours, all things considered, but as soon as the turbulence started... well, let's just say I'm glad that we lost five hours by flying east!  Saturday could not have ended soon enough.  But, happily, just before the clock turned over, Dad and I met Jon at the arrivals gate at Heathrow and we all hopped on the tube into central London.  We dropped Dad off in South Kensington at Mom's hotel, and then Jon and I headed north to his flat to get reacquainted.

(Yes, the reunion was as wonderful as you'd expect, but we've been through several together on this blog since I moved back to DC so we don't ned to go into details now, do we?  Good.)

I only had one day in London this trip and I wanted to make the most of it - luckily, Jon was totally on board.  He arranged for brunch with a good friend of ours in Notting Hill, so we set off early on Sunday morning to meet Alex at Ffiona's, around the corner from where I lived for a few weeks when I was between apartments in spring 2011.  After a full English and a latte for me and pancakes with mimosas for them - clearly we were swapping nationalities that morning - Jon and I struck out for Kensington High Street towards Hyde Park.  We wandered through the blooming paths to Knightsbridge, where we realized that we had to hurry to meet our parents in Covent Garden and so jumped on the tube.  Mom and I left Jon with the two fathers to get fitted for their morning suits, and we made our way to east London to chat with our florist at A Most Curious Wedding Fair.  (I've been very mysterious about this new florist, I know, but I promise I'll introduce her soon!  In fact, I think she's got dibbs on this week's Wedding Wednesday post...)

Mom and I grabbed lunch at the food stalls in the Old Truman Brewery and then headed back west to pick up Jon and Dad at Porterhouse, where they'd gotten lunch and a pint with Jon's father.  (Jon's dad returned to Suffolk soon after the fitting; his mother wasn't able to come up to London on Sunday.)  My parents went back to their hotel while Jon and I meandered through Mayfair for a bit of window shopping to Soho, where we met up with two friends for a pre-dinner drink.  Mon and Dad rejoined us, and we celebrated Jon's birthday a few weeks early in delicious style at Dean Street Townhouse, which is where Jon and I had dinner the night he proposed 11 months ago.  Jetlag struck in the middle of my cheese plate, and we headed home after dinner to crash - we knew we had a busy few days in Suffolk ahead of us!

The Sunday Currently VII

DC, I am in you!  That's right, dear readers; I've returned from England and moved from my parents' house in the suburbs to Washington proper.  If you're following me on Instagram, you've probably seen bits and pieces of my new apartment, but I can't wait to share details and "before" and "in progress" photos alongside a narrative with you.  (The "after" photos are still quite a way away!)  First, though, I'll blog about my trip to London and Suffok, so the apartment posts will be published next week.  But because the move is consuming my life at the moment as it was the last time I did one of these...

currently...

reading... Apartment Therapy, The Inspired Room, Better Homes and Gardens, Martha Stewart - I'm in full-on nesting mode!

writing... to-do lists and a weekly meal plan!  There are a few details that still need to be sorted out for the apartment, like arranging internet and cable and confirming a schedule with the dog walker, plus I'm heading back to my parents' house this afternoon to pick up the pieces that haven't yet made its way over to the apartment.  Mom took me grocery shopping yesterday to pick up some staples (thank you, Mü!) so I don't have to worry about stocking the fridge, but I am focusing on meal planning today - since I'm only cooking for myself now, having most of the week's meals written out will help keep me healthy, stop me from wasting food, and manage my budget!  For some reason, I was really picky when searching for a weekly meal planner, but I finally found this one from the Container Store and I love it.

listening... to doors close and dogs bark in my apartment building.  After four years of living in dorms and apartments in New York, I don't really notice the noise of neighbors, but Charlie's not used to it and the sounds haven't quite faded into the background yet for him.  He thinks that every turning lock is someone coming to invade us and that every jingling leash is a potential visitor, so there was a lot of restlessness on Friday night.  He was okay yesterday, but it might take a while for him to totally relax into the new apartment.

thinking... about how surprisingly easy the move was.  With my mom's help, we were completely ready when the movers arrived at 2:30 on Friday afternoon, but even so it went surprisingly smoothly and speedily.  (If you're in the DC area and you need help moving, contact Suburban Solutions - I can't recommend them enough!)  I felt totally comfortable and at home by the time my parents left around 9:30 on Friday night, and we mostly just spent yesterday unpacking and putting together some final touches.  I guess I really was ready for this move in every sense despite my anxiety!

smelling... the lily of the valley sachets we bought at Bed Bath and Beyond yesterday that Mom tucked into a few corners.  (I can't find a direct link on the store's abysmal website, but here's the one for the company that makes them.)  There's one in the "bedroom" closet, one in the bathroom, and one in my top drawer.  The breeze from the open windows is wafting it throughout the apartment - it's so fresh and springy!

wishing... that I knew exactly how to manage my new budget. The biggest change, unsurprisingly, is that I wasn't paying rent at all when I was living with my parents and now I am.  (A higher percentage of my take-home pay is going to rent than is recommended even for big city living, but, happily, all utilities except internet/cable are included and the peace of mind of not having to worry about that on top of the rent check is priceless!)  I've signed up for Mint.com (and my friend Megan recommends You Need A Budget, if you want to check out another site) and I know that there's always a learning curve to this sort of thing, but I wish I were on the other side of gaining the necessary painful experience already.

hoping... that Charlie's separation anxiety fades quickly.  He had it pretty badly when we first got him, which was understandable because he was a rescue, but after a month or so we could leave him at home alone for a little while without coming home to a disaster zone.  I'm nervous to leave Charlie in the apartment at the moment because it's discombobulating for him to be in a new space by himself and I'm afraid he'll go on a spree of destruction, so I've been weaning him into getting used to my absences by leaving for just a few minutes at a time so he understand that I will always come back, even to this new place.  But for now his crying when I close the door behind me is heartbreaking!

wearing... a jersey summer dress!  I took the opportunity when I moved to pack away my winter clothes and switch my new closet into warmer seasons, and it's so fun to be reunited with dresses that I haven't worn in months.  I actually tried everything on before I boxed it up for the move, and I ended up with three bags of too-big clothes and shoes I don't wear anymore for Goodwill - it's the best feeling.

loving...  my new apartment.  Sorry, I know I keep saying that, but it's true!  As I said to Gesci the other day, this feels like my first grown-up apartment.  The two London places I lived in when I was doing my MA in London were shared student flats and then the first place Jon and I shared with two other boys when I moved over the second time to work was, despite my best efforts, also very student-y and masculine.  (That's the most diplomatic way I can put it, but you'll know exactly what I mean if you've ever lived with guys in their early 20s who don't have full-time jobs.)  My studio in London was lovely, but it was a completely different situation.  This - this is my first grown-up apartment and I love it.

wanting... Jon to move to the US soon so I can share all of this with him!  He won't be here until spring 2014 because of the visa process, but I can't wait until this is our apartment.  (On that note, I feel slightly awkward when I say "our apartment" now.  Do I mean it's mine and Charlie's?  Or that it will be mine and Jon's?  I think it's both at the same time, somehow.  Regardless, I'm definitely not alone!)

needing... nothing, at the moment, and I'm beyond grateful.

feeling... so comfortable and at home.  I might feel a bit jarred when I start work again tomorrow and jump headfirst into my new routine, but waking up in this apartment both yesterday and today has felt totally natural.

clicking... through Bloglovin'.  (No, this isn't really relevant to the move, though I can't think of a more "comfortable at home" thing to do!)  I'd caught up on my blogs by the time I boarded the plane at Heathrow on Thursday - well, I'd skimmed the past few weeks' worth of posts published by each one I follow - so am technically still a few days behind, but last night I switched them all over from my Blogger dashboard to Bloglovin'.  (I never read blogs on Google Reader, but I'm afraid that GFC might go, too, so I just took the plunge.)  I also then unfollowed every blog on GFC because I get irrationally angry at the idea of bloggers broadcasting a number of followers that's inflated by people following on more than multiple platforms.  This evening, I plan on settling in with a cup of tea and exploring how the site works!

linking up with siddathornton

Frock Fridays: Drip Drip Drop Little April Showers

When {av} emailed her suggestion for this week's link-up, it seemed to coincide exactly with my trip to London and Suffolk; after all, England is known as being terribly damp and dreary.  But we actually had a warm and sunny holiday almost all the way through!  As you could see from my Instagrams, Monday morning was a bit cloudy and then it rained on Wednesday night when we were inside for dinner, but otherwise the week was simply gorgeous.  It was the kind of stunning spring weather that made me forget how gloomy England can be - I almost considered moving back sooner than Jon and I are planning!

But it rains in DC, too, and while I love hearing the drops drumming down if I'm snug and curled up at home, it's a bit of a nightmare on weekdays.  Commuting is awful when it's wet because everyone who usually cycles or walks to work turns to public transportation which means that everything is extra crowded and sticky, and when you do walk you have to navigate through hordes who think their personal space includes everything under their huge umbrellas.  Plus, you know, I have curly hair and I almost always air-dry it, which is sort of a contradiction when the air isn't, in fact, dry.  If I wake up on a rainy morning, my first instinct is to check my calendar to make sure I don't have any meetings that day - it's just impossible for me to look professional when it rains!

Unfortunately, though it's a beautiful morning already today, when I return to the office on Monday it's going to be a wet one, according to weather.com.  I really do need to figure out how to arrive at work after commuting through rain looking like I deserve my business cards.  Maybe an outfit like this would help?

[ dress / cardigan / wellies / flats / bag / earrings / necklace / umbrella ]

linking up with {long distance loving}

A Perfectly-Timed Third Blogiversary

Angela Moulton, pink tulips bouquet

Before I say anything else on this bittersweet Thursday, I want to thank Gillian, Selena, and Taylor for sharing their stories of expatriation with us earlier this week while I've been in London and Suffolk.  It's so much fun to make connections throughout the world and I'm delighted to facilitate that, especially since it's a nod to the roots of Betsy Transatlantically as an expat, rather than lifestyle, blog.

And on that note, in a perfect coincidence of timing as I fly back to DC from England and as I try to catch up on all the blog activity I've missed recently around the internets, it's my third blogiversary!  The very first post here was published on April 12, 2010 - it feels like ages have passed since then and, at the same time, like it was yesterday.  I'm sometimes startled by how Betsy Transatlantically has evolved over the last three years but I love how organic the whole thing has seemed even when I've been frustrated or challenged; experimenting with my voice and developing relationships with other bloggers has been so comforting during all the changes we've shared since spring 2010.

We'll be back to normal programming tomorrow with a classic Frock Friday post (reminiscent of this one from last year, actually) and then we'll catch up on details of my trip next Monday and Tuesday and for a few Wedding Wednesdays in May.  Shockingly enough, I don't yet have my editorial calendar finalized for next month, so the possibilities are endless!  Can't wait to have you all along for the ride, dear readers, and thank you for coming this far with me.

Taylor Expatriates - Guest Post

When I started drafting this intro, I wrote that Taylor has only recently expatriated to the UK - but that's not true anymore!  Time flies when you're having fun, I guess, and you can tell from her blog that Taylor's been having the best time in England (although the weather doesn't compare to her native south Florida's heat and sun).  Since last summer, Taylor has moved across the pond, ran her first half-marathon, and gotten married to her handsome English man... and successfully navigated two visa processes.  She's here today to tell us about the first: the Fiancé(e) Visa to come to the UK.  Thank you, Taylor, for stopping by!

photos from Running Across The Pond

Hello friends of Betsy! My name is Taylor.

Like a lot of you lovely readers, I’m an anglophile. I’m an American who is fully British at heart. I knew one day I was going to live in England. I just knew it. Let’s ignore the fact that I didn’t even own a passport during these optimistic dreamer years. I was going to live in England. And that was that.

In 2009 I started dating a lovely man with a British accent! Typical Taylor, being wooed over his use of words like “uni” and “crumpets”. It didn’t matter that he lived in England and I lived in America. We would make it work!  After 3 years of a transcontinental long distance relationship, we finally got engaged and were about to have our happily ever after! I was going to move to England (see, I told you I would!) and we were going to start our life together. Finally.  Well, I’m here to tell you that one thing stands in your way of having your happily ever after. It’s called the “UK Border Agency”.

I’m also here to tell you that you that it’s possible. It’s hard work and takes a lot of patience, but it is possible.  If you are in my same position, you will need the Fiancé(e) Visa. Basically, you and your partner are engaged and are planning on getting married soon (soon = about 6 months). But here’s the catch: you can’t work in England under the Fiancé(e) Visa, and the visa itself requires a lot of preparation.

I wish I could tell you that the process of getting this visa included learning the difference between a cookie and a biscuit and also singing some English football chants. If that was the case, I’d be a shoe-in! Unfortunately, it’s a bit more complicated than that.

There are two main steps you need to know about in order to apply for the Fiancé(e) Visa: the application and the evidence. The application is very self explanatory and extremely detailed. They ask about you, your partner (which in this case they call your “sponsor”), your parents, your partner’s parents, jobs, trips, incomes, bank accounts, anything and everything! You also need to have a date in mind for which you want to move. Here’s the important part: If your visa gets approved, you have 6 months from that date you put in the application to get married.

For example, I filled out my application in June but I put September 3 as my potential date of entry into the UK. So after my Fiancé(e) Visa was approved, it was valid between September 3 and March 3. (I ended up moving to England in October). In that span of 6 months, we had to get married.

While filling out the application, you pay the full amount of the visa (over $1000) and also set a date to go to an immigration office to get your biometrics taken (fingerprints and some lovely glamour shots of your face! I mean, they are glamorous, if you consider DMV or passport photos glamorous….) Once the application is finished, you basically need to prove your relationship and its legitimacy. I thought it sounded ridiculous that I had to prove my relationship. I mean, I was willing to trade South Florida for the south of England… Wasn’t that proof enough that I loved this guy?!

There is a hefty list of requirements that you need to send to the UK Border Agency office in New York that shows that you and your sponsor are in fact a couple and that you have the resources to move to and remain in the UK without government aid. Here is my (not-so) short list of what I included in my package to the UK Border Agency:

Skype records, Facebook records, my previous flight details to see him, his previous flight details to see me, details of us traveling together, letters from our family members saying they've met me/him, photos, photocopies of cards/letters to each other, my bank statements, his bank statements, my previous pay slips, his previous pay slips, picture of engagement ring with receipt (to prove we're actually engaged), information of our prospective wedding venue, proof of his residence in the UK (mortgage, council tax bill, photos) his employment contract, his work history, my work history, copy of my birth certificate, copy of his birth certificate, copy of my driver’s license, copy of my social security card, copy of my passport ID page, 2 recent passport pictures, and that’s just what I can think of off the top of my head. I also included a table of continents first to list everything that was included, as well as including title pages for each item so there was no confusion.

I know it sounds daunting. But when you take the time to prepare as much as possible for the UK Border Agency, it makes their job so much easier which can only help your case! They email you when they open your package for review and then again once they’ve made their decision. And then you’re potentially on your way to the UK!

The best advice I can give you is to do your research. There are plenty of expat sites, forums, and bloggers out there who have either been through the process or can point you in the direction other helpful sites/people! Also prepare as much of the evidence and information as possible before you apply so you aren’t scrambling to get everything done by the deadlines.

Good luck on whatever traveling and expat adventures are ahead of you!

Selena Expatriates - Guest Post

There's no one better to join our series on marrying and moving across the pond than Selena, who, with her husband, has now done it twice!  I found her blog just before she and Matt moved to England, after they'd already gone through the visa process for him to expatriate to the States.  One of my favorite things about Oh, The Places We Will Go is how honest Selena is about stepping out of her comfort zone - she's not always crazy about the idea, but she does it with panache!  Moving to another country for love is, as Selena and Matt have found, totally worth it, but it's not always a breeze.  Selena shows that challenge and adventure can go hand in hand and - well, go ahead and read her story for yourself!

A few years ago I attended a wedding in my hometown of San Antonio, Texas. A friend suggested that she should introduce me “to that tall guy over there. He’s from England.” He was a friend of the family and was in town just for the wedding. Between the adorable accent and the dancing, I was a goner. (If you’ve ever seen an Englishman dance you know what I mean.) I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. He moved in the next day. Scandalous, I know. But it was instant and we both knew. We were married three months later. Then came the really tricky dance of the visas.

We’ve actually done this twice now. Initially, Matt applied for a Green Card (permanent residency) to allow him to live and work in the US. And then when we decided to move to England, we went through the process again to get my Spouse Visa to live and work in the UK. I’ll describe below how we got through the process. But, it gets pretty complicated and changes every day. If you are going through this, I highly recommend that you do as much research as possible and consult an expert. It’s important to dot every “I” and cross every “t.” It takes time, money, patience and great attention to detail. It can be pretty stressful.

When we met, Matt was in the US on a tourist visa that was to expire in a few months. We set a wedding date which was a few weeks after it expired. Matt could overstay his tourist visa or he could return to the UK. If he returned to the UK it would mean long-term separation. It is illegal to enter the US on a tourist visa to get married with the intention of then settling in the US. If he flew home as planned, we would have to go through the process of getting a K-1 Fiance Visa before we could be together which could take months. We consulted an immigration attorney and carefully considered our options. We decided that Matt would overstay his tourist visa for a short time. Because he had entered the country legally on the tourist visa, once we were married and going through the process of applying for the Green Card there would be no problem with him staying in the US. (I am absolutely not advising this course of action. It’s important that you know all of the immigration laws that apply to your situation and that you consult an attorney.)

We had a wonderful wedding and since we couldn’t leave the country, we honeymooned in Key West. Then we started the process of applying for his permanent residency. We are both detail-oriented accountants and felt comfortable going through the application process on our own. Matt was unable to work until approved so he had time to devote to the process. As I mentioned, it is very detailed and complicated. It took weeks of filling out forms and gathering information. We had notebooks full of paperwork. (If you have any doubts, you should pay to have an attorney assist you with the process. Once something goes wrong, it’s difficult to get things back on track.)

Matt had a physical where they checked for the most random diseases. I had to complete an Affidavit of Support proving that I could support us living in the US without assistance. And we basically had to document our existence since birth. The last part of the process included an immigration interview, in part, to determine if the marriage was real. We took a folder with us that included photos of our time together and the wedding, letters from acquaintances and household bills. We were interviewed together. It was nerve racking leading up to but was relatively painless. The fees for everything were just over $1,000 and five months later the Green Card arrived. (Budget more money if you intend to use an attorney to complete the paperwork.)

Later that year, we made the decision to move to the UK and started the process of applying for my UK Spouse Visa while still in the States. Again, mountains of applications and paperwork were required. Luckily, we had most everything already gathered. I’ve been married and divorced before and had to provide originals of all of those documents.

This time Matt had to prove that he could support me in the UK without assistance. I had a biometrics appointment where they took my fingerprints. The fees were again in excess of £1,000 (without an attorney) and it took about four months during which time I was without my passport. Such a sigh of relief when my passport arrived with my Visa page included. My entry date to the UK was January 8th and we arrived on January 3rd. So I initially arrived and was admitted as a tourist. We took a quick trip to Paris and when I arrived again after the 8th, they stamped me into the UK on the Spouse Visa.
Matt also had to decide what to do about his US Permanent Residency. Because we were moving to the UK indefinitely and all of the rights and requirements of Permanent Residency, we decided that he would legally abandon the Green Card. This means that if we decide to move back to the US, we will have to go through the Permanent Residency application process again.

My current UK visa is for 27 months and once this probationary period is over, I will apply for settlement or “indefinite leave to remain”. (The laws have recently changed and the probationary period has been extended.) After three years in the UK, I will be eligible to apply for a British passport if I decide to go that route.

And that is the nuts and bolts of our visa process. Way to take a wonderful, international love story and turn it into a boring text, huh? But, I’m madly in love with Matt and would jump through any number of hoops to be with him. I’ve talked to many women who love a man with a sexy accent. The legalities of it have been the most stressful. It’s scary to think that government red tape can determine if you are going to be together at night. Matt and I were lucky that we’ve been able to stay together through it all. I know many who have had to spend time apart on separate continents like Betsy and Jon. Waiting for that approval can feel interminable, but waiting to be together must be the most difficult. Be informed, be diligent, read the fine print, seek professional guidance and trust that everything will work out in the end. It’s all worth it.

photos from Selena's wedding anniversary post

Gladley Expatriates - Guest Post

Believe it or not, this week - this week in which we're finalizing most of our wedding plans - the one thing we're not thinking about is our visa situation.  There's too much else going on!  Yesterday we saw our florist at a wedding fair in London and the boys (ahem, men) had their fittings, today we're meeting with our caterers in Suffolk, tomorrow we'll be visiting our venue again... it's quite a full trip, and we've got material for at least the next few weeks of Wedding Wednesdays.  But, in the back of my mind, I do remember that while this part of wedding planning is fun and games, there is some real bureaucratic work ahead both before and after we get married, when we apply for my fiancée and Jon's spousal visas.

So in that spirit, I'm delighted that Gillian from the Glad Blog offered to write a post for us about her experiences marrying a boy from across the pond and then moving over to be with him.  She actually did it the other way around from us; she's Scottish, they met at university when her now-husband went over there to study, and she moved to the States after their wedding.  But she and her blog have been an incredible resource for me, and I'm beyond grateful for the time she spent emailing with me when I was freaking out about the not-fun bits of being in a long-distance engagement.  Also, we had tons o' fun wandering around Philadelphia for an afternoon recently!  (Also part deux, there's a sqiushy face that pops up occasionally on her blog, and you know how I feel about squishy faces.)  Thank you for stopping by Betsy Transatlantically, friend - and thank you for sharing your wisdom!

Conditional Resident 1 – Marrying and moving from the UK to the USA on a US Spouse Visa

Hello Transatlantic fans! I'm Gillian and I blog about life as a Brit in Philadelphia. I moved from the UK to the USA last year after marrying an American chap and getting a Green Card.

But that's just the short version of the story. In reality it took three very long steps, a lot of money, plenty of patience, and a little bit of heartache. But we made it, and we're just one of thousands of couples who go through the Green Card process while living in different continents, just like Betsy and Jon. Here's our story about the US Spouse Visa.

Step 1
My husband, Mark, and I met at grad school in Scotland. After we graduated we moved back to our respective hometowns. I visited Pennsylvania for Christmas where Mark proposed and I said yes, and then I returned to the UK.

We spent some time planning where to have our wedding (Scotland) and where to live together as a married couple (USA). We made the decision that I'd move over after the wedding, which would mean applying for a US Spouse Visa (a CR1 or IR1 visa, depending if you've been married two years or less).

We did it this way because we both had good graduate jobs in our home countries, plus I was keen on a Scottish wedding (Kilts! Ceilidh dancing!). There were also two other benefits:

1. We were able to split the cost of the wedding and the visa over a longer period.
2. I had full authorization to work in the USA from the moment I arrived, which is not the case with the Fiance Visa.

However, this complicated matters in two ways:

1. We were a long-distance couple for a whole year longer than if we had applied for the Fiance Visa and married in the USA.
2. Mark had to get a special Marriage Visit Visa just to enter the UK for our wedding.

In short: If you really like kilts and don't mind waiting around, this process is for you.

Step 2
After we got married we pulled together our petition for my US Spouse Visa, formally known as an Immigrant Petition for an Alien Relative. This isn't a visa application, it's just a request to be allowed to apply for the visa. The Alien Relative? Yeah, that's me, Nanu Nanu.

This step involved sending a big fat package to Chicago full of:

− Life histories for both of us, and our parents;
− Proof that we were married, and that it was legit (this included notarized affidavits, photos, invoices, travel stubs and Facebook posts; you name it, we probably sent it).

This was packaged into a really dull autobiography, and it bounced around the USA while we waited…for five months.

Step 3
After five months of twiddling our thumbs in different continents, I was approved to apply for the Spouse Visa. If you thought Step 2 was personal, this stage required me to:

− send off more personal information;
− have a thorough police record check;
− get a bunch of vaccinations and an x-ray;
− pay a lot of money to have a stranger look at my boobs, and;
− have an interview at the US Embassy in London.

It also required my husband to accept total financial responsibility for me. Luckily for him I don't buy a lot of shoes.

On the exact date of our first wedding anniversary, our paper anniversary, I received my papers to enter the USA. It was the best anniversary gift ever, and I moved just a couple of weeks later.

But that's not all…
Although I have a Green Card and Permanent Resident status in the USA, it's not over yet. We were married for less than two years when I moved over, so next year we have to prove to the US Government that we're still living in marital union. That means more paperwork, and more money. Until then, I'm a Conditional Permanent Resident (CR1).

The cool thing though is that from as soon as 2015 I can apply for US citizenship. If I do, there's a chance I'll be able to vote in the 2016 elections. I'll also be able to buy all the shoes I want without sending my husband into a panic!

If you're going for the US Spouse Visa
Plan ahead, save up, and be prepared to become a pro at waiting! This has just been a quick summary of the process and there's a lot to it.

If you learn the visa instructions in advance, have all of your own paperwork in order, and don't have a criminal record or other “red flags” then it is possible to DIY it without a lawyer. I also definitely recommend joining Visa Journey for advice, timelines and support.

However you go about it, it's an expensive pain in the butt, especially if you're in different countries like we were. But let me tell you, after all the forms, frustration and flying – it's totally worth it.

all photos from gladley

A Visit (4.5 Years Later)

If you're in the United States, no matter what coast you're on, I'm probably in the air right now as you read this.  If you're in England - hold on, I'm coming!  (And to my dear readers everywhere else, you're awesome.)  Yes, that's right, I'm flying to London to see Jon for the first time in four and a half months, and, with our parents, we'll finalize the plans for our wedding!  It's a whirlwind trip and my head is spinning with everything we're packing into it, but it's going to be amazing.  Even the weather is sort of cooperating!  England was still stuck in winter as recently as last week, but they've finally emerged into early spring.  Coming from DC, which has jumped ahead into early summer already, this should be lovely and refreshing...

This trip, which was planned around my mother's conference in London, also happens to coincide with a sort-of anniversary: as of yesterday, Jon and I have dated for four and a half years.  (Alright, yes, there was a blip in there halfway through, but let's not count that, okay?)  We won't celebrate April 19 anymore after August 24, so I plan on being silly about it while I can.  So, in the spirit of that, I'm going  to ask you to join me in telling Jon that he's the best ever!  Let's see how many comments we can surprise him with by the time I land this evening, shall we?  Any other compliments you can think of are welcome too, obviously.  I mean, look at him!  I know I'm biased, but he's the cutest.

London engagement session by Tarah Coonan; September 2012

I'll be popping in on Twitter and Instagram if you want to follow along with my trip, but we'll definitely have some recaps here on the blog when I get back!  And do check in next week for some visa stories from a few other expat bloggers.  Thanks in advance for guest posting, friends, and I'll see you next weekend, dear readers!

Frock Fridays: Let's Have A Ball

Note: this post was ready to go last night, but I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to publish it this morning given the chaos in Boston at the moment.  In the end, I'm going ahead as usual because I'm not sure what else to do, but I keep thinking of that scene in The West Wing when the White House hosts a white-tie state dinner while the world goes to hell in a handbasket around them, so I'll borrow President Bartlet's words from the end of the episode: "I'm going to stay right here as long as the radio works, okay?"  Boston, I love you, and I'm thinking of you.  

We often take fantastic flights of fancy for these Frock Fridays posts, but today I'm keeping it real - well, real and kind of unbelievable at the same time.  Sometimes I get comments from readers (here on the blog, on Twitter, and/or on Instagram) saying that they want my life, and usually I laugh it off.  Living and working in DC is exciting but it's also just the way it is, so it's kind of hard for me to keep my situation in perspective to other situations, you know?  I mean, everything's relative, but you all have excitement, too, no matter where you live and work.

That being said, sometimes I realize that things around here can get pretty glam.  Case in point: tonight we have a black-tie gala at work, so I rented the runway for the first time and will be wearing the most gorgeous red Badgley Mischka gown for the event.  As I suspected, I'm between the two sizes I ordered, so I'm taking the larger to be comfortable; even though it hurt to spend $160 (including insurance, taxes, and shipping) on a dress I'll only wear once, the bigger dress won't fit for much longer if I stay on track with my running and eating so it wouldn't have made sense to buy anything!  To make my wallet feel a bit better, I'm accessorizing the dress with old Target jewelry, flat strappy sandals I bought years ago, and a wristlet I "borrowed" from my mother's closet.  I'll Instagram my actual complete outfit later in the day as I get dressed and at the ball as I can, but pictured here are similar pieces: necklace, earrings, rings, clutch, and shoes.  Wish me fortitude, dear readers - regardless of the news that comes out of Boston throughout the day, the next 24 hours until our plane takes off from Dulles for London will be... well, let's stick with exciting!

linking up with {long distance loving}

Growing Up and Moving Out

There's a huge When I Grow Up link-up happening in blogland today and I was really excited to join in.  In typical Betsy fashion, though, my post turned into quite an essay on women in the workplace - by the time I stopped typing last night, I had quoted Kristen van Ogtrop, cited Anne Marie Slaughter's article in The Atlantic, and discussed the Lean In movement, all while exploring the resources currently available to women in my situation.  With all due respect to the readers of the host blogs and those who will be linking up, I don't think the draft I opened up this morning would be appropriate for the link-up even if I were able to finish it today.  Plus, I really want to do the topic justice now that I've let myself get carried away with it, so that post will have to wait to be polished and published.  You can look for it when I return from England, dear readers!

But I have been thinking about growing up a lot recently, inspired less by my wedding than by my impending move.  I've not lived in my parents' house for nearly a decade; I spent three months in Charlottesville after high school, three and a half years in New York City plus eight months in Paris during college, a year in London for grad school, and then (after a 10 month return to DC) another two years in London before finally moving back to Washington and into my parents' house.  I'm good at making new homes and starting over in new cities, but making a new home and starting over in my hometown is really throwing me.

I think maybe I'll feel more settled about it, emotionally, once I've physically moved.  The past six weeks of preparing to move - yeah, that's the sort of thing I don't handle well.  Change is fine; the transition to change is harder for me to deal with.  But the process has solidified as I've packed all my things, which somehow makes the move seem more real than picking out paint colors or buying new furniture.  My closet and dresser are now empty, my bathroom is in neatly-labeled boxes, and all of my kitchen breakables are swathed in bubble wrap.  Next week tomorrow, it's all going to go into a moving truck and I'll have a new home.

I've been really good about not packing things I don't need.  I've got two bags of clothes and another of shoes that will be heading to Goodwill, I've trashed all of the expired toiletries that have been living in cupboards since my last purge, and I'm waiting to choose which tchotchkes to take until I know exactly where I'll put them in the new place.  But some things that are coming with me... well, some things aren't rational.  And I think that's okay, don't you?

via

Wedding Wednesday: Our Visa Story

Dear readers, I'm so excited for my trip to England on Saturday!  It's seemed so far away for so long that I can't really quite believe that it's almost here.  While I'm gone next week, I've asked a few lovely expats - two Americans in England and a Scot in the States - to guest post about how they tackled the nuts and bolts of marrying husbands from across the pond.  I can't tell you how many emails I get from girls telling me that they want to live happily ever after with a boy who has an accent, so I'm delighted to share these stories with you and I sincerely hope they help.  We don't want to scare you off, but you need to be prepared if you're hoping to tie the knot with a British boy (or American, if you're British) because there's quite a bit involved!  I thought that actually we might kick off next week's series with my own story, since I've dropped a few hints on Twitter and here on this blog about running into some bureaucratic problems, so here goes.

London engagement session by Tarah Coonan; September 2012

As I reiterate every time I write about my visa experiences, let me remind you that I am not an immigration lawyer or authority in any sense other than the personal.  Please do speak with an expert if you're considering embarking on this process and you have visa questions.  But this is what I found: if you're not already a legal resident of the UK, you need two things to get married there, a visa and a license.  Sounds simple enough, right?  Well, in theory...

Let's start with the visa because you can't get the license without the visa.  In order to get married in the UK without intending to remain in the country after your wedding, you need to apply for a visa as a Visitor for Marriage or Civil Partnership.  You may apply for this visa up to a year in advance of your wedding date and, assuming you're not entering into a sham or forced marriage and you fill out all the paperwork and send in all the required documentation exactly as you're supposed to, there's no reason you wouldn't be granted the visa.

Once you have the visa, you can get your license; this is when you give notice at the register office in the UK.  In order to give notice, you have to have been resident of the county in which you are getting your license for eight consecutive days, and you cannot get your license less than fifteen days before your wedding date.  Got that?  Okay, good.  Now here's where it gets a bit dicey...

There are two types of visas that can be granted: multiple-entry and single-entry. They are exactly as they sound.  On a multiple-entry visa, you can leave and reenter the country as many times as you want while the visa is valid.  (Both my student visa and my work visa were multiple-entry visas, which is how I was able to travel extensively while living in London.)  A single-entry visa, however, means that you basically use up the freedoms and/or rights that the visa gives you the first time you enter the country, and, once you leave, the visa becomes invalid.

So if the visa I'm granted - the visa that will allow me to travel to the UK, get our license, and get married - is a muti-entry visa, Jon and I can give notice when I'm over on one trip and then have our wedding on a separate trip.  If I'm granted a single-entry visa, we have to do both at the same time.  Go back up two paragraphs and do the math, will you?  That's right, I'd have to arrive in England in late July in order to fulfill the requirements for our license before getting married on August 24, and I wouldn't be able to leave the country at all during those four weeks.  Now, my employers are very understanding of my destination wedding and the time and energy it's taking, but they'd do more than hesitate before giving me permission to leave for a solid month!  It's simply not an option.

That means we're crossing our fingers that I'm issued a multi-entry visa.  Actually, we're doing more than that - we spent good money on a wonderful immigration lawyer, who advised us the best way to ensure (in as much as we can) that my visa will be multi-entry.  At the end of the day, it's up to the discretion of the immigration officer who processes my application, so we just have to make the best case possible.

Our plan, assuming all goes well, is that I'll apply for my visa from DC as soon as I've returned from England at the end of April and, after being issued my multi-entry visa, I'll head back to London in late June for a 12 day trip during which we'll get our license.  Then I'll come back to the US, and finally will fly over again in mid-August for our wedding, returning to DC two days after the wedding (without Jon, for the time being).

Cross your fingers for us, dear readers, and send us all the dotted "i"s and crossed "t"s you have lying around!  We need to do this the right way, or else - well, I don't know what else.  Let's just think happy thoughts about this!  And, if these sorts of things interest you, come back next week to see how a few other girls wed their transatlantic loves.  You'll see that these boys really have to be worth the effort we make for them... at least, that's what I remind Jon whenever he gives me a hard time about something!